Praying earnestly. And His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

My sister and I had a conversation recently about "blood tears".  We both talked about our grieving for different things in our life.  We talked about the fact that we both had cried so hard at times that we only imagined that the next step in our bodies would be for the tears to run out and blood take its place.  Seriously. 

I went through the Gospels, looking through the passages regarding Jesus agonizing in the Garden for this reference.  I knew it mentioned either blood tears or blood sweat.  I found blood sweat.

It is so very hard to read these passages.  When I read or have been read portions of his journey to the cross, it pains me to read especially "they struck his head with reeds".  That statement is horrifying.  Humiliating. 

I have had a few conversations lately about grieving and that I know God hears our cries.  Even if our cries are about divorce.  Obviously he mentions grieving widows but I know he realizes the other cries.  Of the abandoned, the divorced, the separated, the HIV positive, the physically abused, women who survived abortion, and the mentally ill.  These ones come to mind.

What does your circle look like?  Do you associate with your close and distant relatives, the ones that might be homosexual or addicted to something?  Your neighbors, do they repel you to the point you have put the wall up?  What's going on at their house?  Do you just talk about it, but don't pray for an opportunity to make eye contact so maybe a 'hello" can come out and lead you somewhere positive?  The ones that don't go to church?  The unloved and difficult to love?  The needy ones?  Is your circle like a "private" church, the kind of church that many of us eventually ran away from?  (like it was on fire, once we realized how damaging these types of churches are to our faith journey)
Yes, we need to be careful who we spend time with and who we expose ourselves to.  I personally have to be extra cautious.  I don't have a firm foundation of faith yet.  I am an infant in my new faith and intimate relationship with Jesus (Praise you God for filling me with the Holy Spirit!!)  But, if you were born into a faith filled family, if you have a rock solid base, but you are not associating with all of your relatives, just the "ones like you",  I just don't know how I feel about that.  Aren't we all guilty of driving away from a family wedding and funeral and talk about "those relatives"?  EEKkk.  Lord help me.  I am so guilty.  I need to work harder on this. 

What would a conversation look like if it would just get started?  What if you decided to start somewhere and pray that you could open a door to that conversation?  And imagine what you could learn if you would remove some of these layers of opinion of yours and find out what is inside of there?  That person could actually change your life.  I can attest to that.  I have personally learned so much the last 8 months about myself, just because I took a chance (after much prayer), and found my way into someones heart that was tossed aside by much of society.  And I didn't imagine that I would find out more about me than about that person.  I am so much closer to the Lord because I let go of ME and just sat and listened to this person and learned to love a new way.  Isn't it way too easy to love our kids and spouses and grand kids?  Is that really a challenge at all?  And yes, they love us back almost predictably.  Just like in work or play, we keep practicing the things that are already easy.  We gravitate towards what we are successful at.  We ignore what needs our attention. 

I know my tears now are different.  There will be no blood.  These are cleansing tears.  These are relief tears, feeling my former sin tears, tears for others who may have missed the constant calling of the Holy Spirit and tears of just sheer joy that I found a Father who loves me unconditionally, but demands I obey and keep a constant communication with him.  He has told me plain and simple "Melissa, I am a jealous God".  I heard him. 

Along with a different kind of tear for this Missy, I also have a completely different prayer!  My daily devotional (Monday through Friday at my desk at work works best for me) includes Bible reading, prayers of praise and finally..........petitions.  Not petitions first.  Not just petitions.  I didn't know how to pray before.  I prayed mostly for help.   I told a loved one recently that truly we should include just as much praise for our Father as petitions.  And truly, I can tell you I have probably more praise as I practice this new habit.  And my petitions, well I really think about those.  But, I am specific and earnest about them.  I almost at times feel embarrassed that I should ask for anything.  I praise him for having more than enough most days.  And I praise him so many days for "A call to worship and the Word".  Amen!! 

Yes, I still have my rosary.  And yes, I think it is an effective prayer tool for some.  I took it to bed many, many nights when I lived in my Jesup home from 2005-2010 and prayed with near blood tears.  I fell asleep with it in my hands.  I begged the Lord for help .  I didn't realize that he started really working in me with a turning of positive events for me beginning in November 2007.  And my life has absolutely evolved into many, many blessings since then.  Some of them I didn't realize were blessings.  And one of those blessings is that I can actually attend a church, hold my head up high and not leave early crying!  My poor kids.  I don't know how this affected them, but I guess I need to circle back to this discussion about why we had to sit in the back and leave early and not talk to mom because she is crying at church again. 

I will tell you this:  I can never compare my earthly pains to Christ's dying on the cross for mankind.   I simply want to say that it is inexpressible to imagine that he can feel all of my pain, understand and forgive it.  And do it because he loves us creations of his. 

I also know I have so far to go in human relationships.  I certainly struggle in this area.  I have suffered because I do not excel in this area.  I have had success with my career, my playing of the piano, my cooking, my money management and my developing as a mother.

Praise to Lord Jesus Christ, who I put above and before all things. 



Luke 22: 42-44  Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."  An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

Luke 8:47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much.  But he who has been forgiven little loves little.

Psalm 56:5  Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll--are they not in your record?