First off, Praise to God! I ask for his blessings as I type this, always needing guidance to be appropriate and upright in my actions. Amen.
You know I can say there seems to be three kinds of deaths. I have personally only experienced two of them. The third is the way I envision as being the "way to go" for me and my loved ones. The two I had experienced prior to my co-worker's dad's passing were the ultimate heart breaker/test your faith deaths. One kind where there is no warning. The person is pretty much taken away from us instantly. The other kind is where, as my mom, it was cancer and it was not ending in a fair way. There was so much time in there for so much else to happen. And there is no human way she could still be with us, but she was. It seemed cruel and heart wrenching and it took me a long, long time to get over it. Years.
I would like to chose to have a terminal diagnosis myself, and have some time to reconnect with people, travel a little, get my last wishes in order and be at peace with the amount of time I was given.
No one gets their choice here. I remember losing grandparents rapidly starting in 1977 to 1981. I lost three of them. That was somewhat traumatic. I saw my dad cry for the first time at his father's funeral. How Great Thou Art took on a sad meaning after that. In fact, my grandpa died at our house when we were taking care of him. And the night before he died from what appears to be an aneurysm, he laid out his entire life to us in the storm cellar during a tornado warning. He never, ever spoke so much in his life. If only we knew and would have asked more questions that night. The next day he died at the kitchen table.
I say this because all of this death left a negative imprint on me. We were religious. We went to church. We prayed Come Lord Jesus Be Our Guest at meals. But, we didn't look at death as a homecoming. At least from what I gathered as a young girl, it was not a good thing to die. Even if you were in your 70's.
Back to my death. Since having an incredible awakening to the Lord this past year and a half, I more and more want my funeral to be something out of the early church. I want an an Acts Of The Apostles funeral. I want music and dancing and spirit moved people who I have finally connected with dancing charismatically there and tears of joy streaming down their faces. Because they had gotten to know my soul as close to what the Lord knows it to be. And I finally let some people into that empty soul. How about some Kentucky Fried Chicken there with that great coleslaw and potatoes and gravy? Yes, that is my kind of meal for my lovies. And they are ecstatic for me to get to go there to be in our Saviours arms.
Then came Denise, my wonderful friend and co-worker. We never imagined our journey 11 years ago when we met. We talked about our piano music at work. We talked a little about religion. And then her dad was getting sick. But they couldn't figure out what was going on.
I wrote Denise a letter out of no where on a morning I expected her to be at work. I had never written her a letter before, but I was journaling and she recommended journaling to me a few months prior. It was 7am and I knew her dad was hospitalized and they were running tests and I planned on giving her the letter when she arrived at 8:15 am. And then she called and said she would not be in, her dad is having tests and is hospitalized yet. And then the call came a little after nine that he had passed away. I could not believe that. And I didn't re-read my letter until I remembered I had even written it.
I opened up the letter and there I had written incredible, wonderful things about death and her brother and how I just know that Jesus had his arms wide open for Larry when Larry passed away very, very suddenly a couple of years prior. I just knew it and I had to write it for some reason. I didn't know Larry, but I knew Denise. And I was driven to write that to Denise out of the clear blue sky.
What brings the end to the sting of death for me is her father's passing and the wake it left. Such a peaceful, powerful wake. I will never forget going through the clinic and letting staff know that her father passed. We could not believe it. But, Chris had such serenity and looked me in the eyes with all the grace of God and said "Melissa, It's going to be ok. When we lost Brandon, we just knew it would be ok. Denise's family is so strong in their faith and they will get through this".
I had never heard such treasured words. And I believed her instantly. It calmed me and it just covered me. It was that day that I knew I had begun to transform into a new creation of Christ's. That very single day.
Attending the funeral was more confirmation. Denise had spoken with such grace and love and real emotion and hope, but a little shaky, I can imagine scared of all the changes coming with her mom's care. She spoke of such things such as that her father prayed for her to be a missionary even before it could ever come to fruition. She didn't know that until recently. He prayed for that for his daughter. Imagine such wonderful families.
I saw an example for one of the first times, a rock solid Christian family that goes back generations. People praying for people and families for years. Types of praying I am just learning about. Praise and prayer for all of His goodness daily. And prayer when in need. But not just cry out prayer in need. Maintenance prayer people. Pray, pray, pray. Pray for all things and not just praying for yourself and your needs.
It was today I was walking through our huge facility, on my way to the old hospital portion, and after having a wonderful faith filled chat with Denise that it was branded on my ever fearful heart, "Death Has Lost It's Sting". Thank you Holy Spirit for planting that there.
Thank you Lord Jesus for these wonderful earthly experiences so that we may all prosper in your Love and Goodness. Amen!!!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Great Authors In Our Time--Like....today!
I have had this conversation lately, and it seems we have so many visionary authors, who happen to be so young for their accumulation of wisdom. This is in regard to the authors by the name of Francis Chan and David Platt. These are just a couple of them. Both of these men are leaders of their churches. (Francis is always on the move, itchy for God) I don't think their combined age could be more than 75! For me in my new faith journey, who would have thought I would have moved into Christian literature that would take me to fringes of missionary work in this short of time. I was warned prior to reading "Radical" that you better be ready for it. Platt warns us of the American Dream, even as much as pointing out our crystal cathedrals are glimmering as 4.5 billion humans are lacking the Gospel on this planet. Both authors use plenty of scripture to back up their claim that we best quit hunkering down in our churches and get praying and spreading out from our comfortable circles. Yes, it was enough for me to finally let the Holy Spirit begin to invade my life, beginning shakily 1.5 years ago, but then to imagine I needed to then move quickly to my family members and loved ones and try to reach them for that which I think they may have missed as well, coming from protestant and Catholic background. Of course, they may not have missed this relationship, but I am not sure. Regardless, my efforts are still strong to move outward from my close family circle (never tiring, never ceasing for the Holy Spirit keeps feeding me to keep working), and now the circle is expanding.
It is not easy to read books that show God's Word, true and everlasting, state that I need to not be shy in evangelizing. I did not come from this type of background. My mom and dad read the Bible privately. Prayer was at supper and the same one daily. There was no popcorn prayer (love that term). We did adopt a child in another country for a time and supported him (in his home country). But in our church, you didn't carry your Bible in, mom had a personal hymnal. And baptism was infant, not believers. And all of us Jesup churches back in the 70's-80's kept to ourselves. Our home seemed to carry out our mission of getting to church and Sunday school, church suppers, dad was a deacon and boy did we love Bible School!
Now, Bible school in the Lutheran church, that was like the Baptists! We sang, sang, sang and we were making buttons and banners and parading all over the church lawn with our love for Christ. And Red Rover and green Kool-Aide and cookies, all you wanted. And it ended with a potluck on Friday at lunch and our parents came and picked us up. That was depressing because I could have done Vacation Bible School all summer. If felt so good to be in worship like that with my peers. It REALLY FELT AWESOME. And back to summer you go and miss your church buddies and the cool older kid volunteers.
Back to Chan and Platt: I just want to point out that I am so relieved that the good Lord put these books in my hands. There is so much more than my individual salvation at stake here. I need to live in the Word, be called to worship, walk in the Light, Grow, Grow more, and now, think about how I am going to impact nations that are begging for Bibles and even a right to worship. One suggestion Platt has is to pray. Just as he states Jesus told his disciples to pray before doing anything else. May I suggest you pick up either the book Radical or Crazy Love? Chan has two other books at least, but these seem to hit on the topic of our American Dream and really how it is actually damning us, literally. I give all the glory to God, our Father, for this time (where in the heck do I find it) to type this and get everything done in His name. He has blessed me so graciously and answered so many prayers. All of this in his name, Amen.
Let us also be on guard at all times of false prophecy and evil among us Christians and Christian leaders. We need to be cautious about the books we read and preachers we listen to:
Ecclesiastes 12: 11-12 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails, given by one Shepard. Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
It is not easy to read books that show God's Word, true and everlasting, state that I need to not be shy in evangelizing. I did not come from this type of background. My mom and dad read the Bible privately. Prayer was at supper and the same one daily. There was no popcorn prayer (love that term). We did adopt a child in another country for a time and supported him (in his home country). But in our church, you didn't carry your Bible in, mom had a personal hymnal. And baptism was infant, not believers. And all of us Jesup churches back in the 70's-80's kept to ourselves. Our home seemed to carry out our mission of getting to church and Sunday school, church suppers, dad was a deacon and boy did we love Bible School!
Now, Bible school in the Lutheran church, that was like the Baptists! We sang, sang, sang and we were making buttons and banners and parading all over the church lawn with our love for Christ. And Red Rover and green Kool-Aide and cookies, all you wanted. And it ended with a potluck on Friday at lunch and our parents came and picked us up. That was depressing because I could have done Vacation Bible School all summer. If felt so good to be in worship like that with my peers. It REALLY FELT AWESOME. And back to summer you go and miss your church buddies and the cool older kid volunteers.
Back to Chan and Platt: I just want to point out that I am so relieved that the good Lord put these books in my hands. There is so much more than my individual salvation at stake here. I need to live in the Word, be called to worship, walk in the Light, Grow, Grow more, and now, think about how I am going to impact nations that are begging for Bibles and even a right to worship. One suggestion Platt has is to pray. Just as he states Jesus told his disciples to pray before doing anything else. May I suggest you pick up either the book Radical or Crazy Love? Chan has two other books at least, but these seem to hit on the topic of our American Dream and really how it is actually damning us, literally. I give all the glory to God, our Father, for this time (where in the heck do I find it) to type this and get everything done in His name. He has blessed me so graciously and answered so many prayers. All of this in his name, Amen.
Let us also be on guard at all times of false prophecy and evil among us Christians and Christian leaders. We need to be cautious about the books we read and preachers we listen to:
Ecclesiastes 12: 11-12 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails, given by one Shepard. Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Drive-By Sin
Interesting thing the Holy Spirit is doing lately with my car. I found myself driving by places of regret by accidental intention. He only does this to help us, to heal us. So often, I think we gloss over our past sins, with layers of cheap Kmart blankets of "we were just too young", or "I was going through a rough spot, there". I did that. I think I didn't want to reveal the true pain of regret if I didn't have to. Don't get me wrong, some things make me shutter that I have done in my past. And I shutter every time I think of these certain items. But like the stack of firewood behind my garage, there is quite a bit there to examine.
I found myself on one end of W. 9th Street, trying to get across Highway 218. I was with a loved one. Her life is very complex and some of you know the situation(s). I will keep it benign in description, as I plan to with most intimate details of life. But, there we were together, kind of looking for rummage sales type mentality on the way to cross 218. And she pointed out a house. A house were bad things happened for her. It was like someone blew a candle out in a dark room when she said it. I examined that house closely. You look at a house and typically imagine children and pets and TVs and maybe a bowl of fruit. But reality is that many homes have these things going on in them. And my loved one was so awesome and brave and authentic to point out what happened there for her that destroyed her life for awhile. Bless her for sharing that. She didn't have to. I know that was monumental. It was real. It did help me and make it real for me as well.
And then, I have this urge to go to the Amish this Saturday on a day that any fool would go to the Air Show. But, I was driven to take Joe to the Amish. He has never been there. Just like he has never been in a cave until I took him (?? what ?? no cave?? and 50 yrs old?) So, we go and then I feel a gloom and darkness come over me and we drive by a place that I have regrets. But, I didn't share. And he shares some personal information about himself that was quite revealing that he didn't have to tell me. That same area brought up regrets for him as well. It's interesting, if you live long enough and don't grow up until you are in your 40's, you do have a little bit more to explain to your loved ones than if you grow up in a more typical time frame of, let's say, by the time you finish college?
If any of you know me well, I possess a guilty type conscience. But, it didn't seem to help me to avoid trouble. It just keep adding up, all of that guilt because I wasn't able to stop the poor choice making. This boils down to me trying to control it. My behavior, my world. How many times could I hear other Christians talk about walking in the light, following God, Let Go, Let God, Jesus Take The Wheel (Carrie Underwood?). Well, not this go getter! I really thought I had it all figured out, even though I hated many Mondays because I made poor choices with my time. And luckily I came across a book, The Shack. And that book came a few months after pretty regularly attending a Biblical, believers baptism type church a number of times. And then I started asking questions at work of a dear coworker who I knew was as grounded a Christian as they come. I asked her "Does Jesus really love me?" And I shared that I was so uncertain that I was going to heaven. She helped me with such kind words. She knew I was searching and she was perfect for me, sitting across the hall from me. And the story just continues into this most wonderful journey that now is plowing like a freight train through my work and home. My kids are stunned. I just tell them these words: Just watch me. Just observe me. You will know it is true by my actions. Praise be to God! He is so good and has filled that hole in my heart, I didn't even know I had, filling it will junk.
There are so many highways for this girl to travel on yet. I am on a Holy Spirit journey. He is showing me the old yet, and I am living the New. And the more I live in the New, the more I won't make those bad choices. And it just keeps getting better and better and actually, easier to obey our Loving Daddy, because now I know a relationship I never even imagined could be possible.
Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
I found myself on one end of W. 9th Street, trying to get across Highway 218. I was with a loved one. Her life is very complex and some of you know the situation(s). I will keep it benign in description, as I plan to with most intimate details of life. But, there we were together, kind of looking for rummage sales type mentality on the way to cross 218. And she pointed out a house. A house were bad things happened for her. It was like someone blew a candle out in a dark room when she said it. I examined that house closely. You look at a house and typically imagine children and pets and TVs and maybe a bowl of fruit. But reality is that many homes have these things going on in them. And my loved one was so awesome and brave and authentic to point out what happened there for her that destroyed her life for awhile. Bless her for sharing that. She didn't have to. I know that was monumental. It was real. It did help me and make it real for me as well.
And then, I have this urge to go to the Amish this Saturday on a day that any fool would go to the Air Show. But, I was driven to take Joe to the Amish. He has never been there. Just like he has never been in a cave until I took him (?? what ?? no cave?? and 50 yrs old?) So, we go and then I feel a gloom and darkness come over me and we drive by a place that I have regrets. But, I didn't share. And he shares some personal information about himself that was quite revealing that he didn't have to tell me. That same area brought up regrets for him as well. It's interesting, if you live long enough and don't grow up until you are in your 40's, you do have a little bit more to explain to your loved ones than if you grow up in a more typical time frame of, let's say, by the time you finish college?
If any of you know me well, I possess a guilty type conscience. But, it didn't seem to help me to avoid trouble. It just keep adding up, all of that guilt because I wasn't able to stop the poor choice making. This boils down to me trying to control it. My behavior, my world. How many times could I hear other Christians talk about walking in the light, following God, Let Go, Let God, Jesus Take The Wheel (Carrie Underwood?). Well, not this go getter! I really thought I had it all figured out, even though I hated many Mondays because I made poor choices with my time. And luckily I came across a book, The Shack. And that book came a few months after pretty regularly attending a Biblical, believers baptism type church a number of times. And then I started asking questions at work of a dear coworker who I knew was as grounded a Christian as they come. I asked her "Does Jesus really love me?" And I shared that I was so uncertain that I was going to heaven. She helped me with such kind words. She knew I was searching and she was perfect for me, sitting across the hall from me. And the story just continues into this most wonderful journey that now is plowing like a freight train through my work and home. My kids are stunned. I just tell them these words: Just watch me. Just observe me. You will know it is true by my actions. Praise be to God! He is so good and has filled that hole in my heart, I didn't even know I had, filling it will junk.
There are so many highways for this girl to travel on yet. I am on a Holy Spirit journey. He is showing me the old yet, and I am living the New. And the more I live in the New, the more I won't make those bad choices. And it just keeps getting better and better and actually, easier to obey our Loving Daddy, because now I know a relationship I never even imagined could be possible.
Psalm 40:1-3 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
On Our Knees
Amazing what a humbling experience aging is. The Lord ages us, the world wants to remind us of this curse, of the gift....... of wisdom. We are surrounded by reminders of this "curse" of aging. I can say I try to become more open minded as I age. I relax more about things. I don't force things and I wait. I try new things. Not stupid, dangerous things, but things that test me. I try to unlock the keypad at work with my left hand. I don't know about you, but I try to use my left hand alot when it is that I am right handed. I read things that I don't agree with, including editorials that I know could wind me up a bit. How about something radical like getting on your knees intentionally for the first time to pray to our Lord? I had a sister in Christ, Shelley mention it to me recently. I have my boyfriend who does it pretty regularly. I did do it yesterday. I believe Joyce Meyers (ministry), yelled at me over the TV to do it. (I love her, check her out.) So, with my house pretty quiet as I keep it most days, and no one home but the cat, I got down at my bedside. And I was having a very wonderful morning with the Holy Spirit anyhew, so there I went. And I cried. And I had cried plenty that morning in anguish about my missing the mark so much in so many years. Tired of wasting His precious time.
I have to say, I am amazed when I find myself having these wisdom filled conversations with certain people, there are plenty who are on their knees. There are plenty who tithe. There are plenty who have been on mission trips. There are plenty who are not wasting any more time.
My sweetheart, Joe has a buddy who after a couple of years of friendship finally spilled the beans that he goes to two universities with campus security permission, and preaches from the sidewalk. Praise God!! I love this! He is compelled to spread wisdom all over because it is spilling out of him.
I feel it is spilling out of me all over the place. And I will lose people in my life because of this. On my aching knees, crying. For my soiled earthly skin and soul. For all those who are either not hearing the good news of Christ, or those who missed the actual relationship with Christ, thought they were wise. I thought I was wise. And then I finally let the Word of God come to life to me. And I let go of all of the control I had. It felt good. Every day is a journey now. Amen Lord. All the Glory to you, Papa.
Ross noticed my blue stickie note on my bathroom mirror (I love to use that as my personal cheerleader bulletin board). The stickie says in black Sharpie "On Your Knees". He asked me what that meant. And I simply said that is another way to pray. And that the Bible encourages us to pray that way also. Amen it is so.
I have to say, I am amazed when I find myself having these wisdom filled conversations with certain people, there are plenty who are on their knees. There are plenty who tithe. There are plenty who have been on mission trips. There are plenty who are not wasting any more time.
My sweetheart, Joe has a buddy who after a couple of years of friendship finally spilled the beans that he goes to two universities with campus security permission, and preaches from the sidewalk. Praise God!! I love this! He is compelled to spread wisdom all over because it is spilling out of him.
I feel it is spilling out of me all over the place. And I will lose people in my life because of this. On my aching knees, crying. For my soiled earthly skin and soul. For all those who are either not hearing the good news of Christ, or those who missed the actual relationship with Christ, thought they were wise. I thought I was wise. And then I finally let the Word of God come to life to me. And I let go of all of the control I had. It felt good. Every day is a journey now. Amen Lord. All the Glory to you, Papa.
Ross noticed my blue stickie note on my bathroom mirror (I love to use that as my personal cheerleader bulletin board). The stickie says in black Sharpie "On Your Knees". He asked me what that meant. And I simply said that is another way to pray. And that the Bible encourages us to pray that way also. Amen it is so.
Sundays
I love Sundays. I have found myself having alot of conversation with the Holy Spirit the last few months, finally in this point of my life, but Sundays and flowing into Mondays are a storm! Electrical storm. It is a wonderful place to finally be. I have had the Holy Spirit knocking on my heart for years. He has warned me of danger and at a couple of times in my life, I listened and acted. This has saved my family from a continued bad situation. And that HS was the only voice in my heart that said "Warning". And I took action. There was no way to know of this danger going on in my life, but for that whisper.
Now, the HS does that still (Yes, I feel I do have a powerful gift of intuition to danger and I will keep sharing these powerful stories through blogs), but now the HS plants things on my heart! Statements. And I go to the Bible and the internet to research these statements. And I find fellow true followers of Christ who support me and tell me I am blessed with such electrical activity. And on top of it, these sisters in Christ of mine (many at my workplace) tell me the same types of statements were planted on their hearts, or that they read that same biblical verse "just yesterday". Or they tried to email me that same verse in the Bible, but their email wouldn't send. (Satan, you always are trying).
This continues into Mondays where I can't wait to do my devotion and journal before my coworkers arrive. And I get the opportunity to journal my revelations that happened over the weekend when I attended worship, read my Bible or other great books. And then the storm slows down just a little during the work week.
I hope that you will check back. I want to share the books I read that help me with my faith journey and also about my revelations and how I know God is using them to confirm what he did in the Bible. I don't need a burning bush or to see Jesus walk on water. I have him confirmed by planting statements on my heart over and over again his messages. And lately, the most wonderful one was "Melissa, I will Fill your cup". He stated this to me in my kitchen when I was crying about my sister and how can I help her to believe in herself, even to live outside of a nursing home. Financially and emotionally, he said "I Will Fill Your Cup". Amen to our most High Father! Praise to Him above all earthly and heavenly things!
Now, the HS does that still (Yes, I feel I do have a powerful gift of intuition to danger and I will keep sharing these powerful stories through blogs), but now the HS plants things on my heart! Statements. And I go to the Bible and the internet to research these statements. And I find fellow true followers of Christ who support me and tell me I am blessed with such electrical activity. And on top of it, these sisters in Christ of mine (many at my workplace) tell me the same types of statements were planted on their hearts, or that they read that same biblical verse "just yesterday". Or they tried to email me that same verse in the Bible, but their email wouldn't send. (Satan, you always are trying).
This continues into Mondays where I can't wait to do my devotion and journal before my coworkers arrive. And I get the opportunity to journal my revelations that happened over the weekend when I attended worship, read my Bible or other great books. And then the storm slows down just a little during the work week.
I hope that you will check back. I want to share the books I read that help me with my faith journey and also about my revelations and how I know God is using them to confirm what he did in the Bible. I don't need a burning bush or to see Jesus walk on water. I have him confirmed by planting statements on my heart over and over again his messages. And lately, the most wonderful one was "Melissa, I will Fill your cup". He stated this to me in my kitchen when I was crying about my sister and how can I help her to believe in herself, even to live outside of a nursing home. Financially and emotionally, he said "I Will Fill Your Cup". Amen to our most High Father! Praise to Him above all earthly and heavenly things!
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