Praise to the Lord! I am sitting in front of my fireplace, enjoying a rainy evening safe and sound in my home with my son. He has given me time to read His word, blog and be with family and be still on a Sunday afternoon/evening. I have so much. How dare I ever complain?
Part of my day was reading Ecclesiastes. I did not absorb it at other times of my life, just like the rest of the Bible. I believe the Life Applications Bible has helped me immensely. I read that portion typically in addition to scripture. Like many parts of the Bible, you really have to be spiritually prepared to read it and understand it. And take it lightly if you do not yet understand it or are disturbed by what you read. You will some day understand it. I believe that.
Some of my posts are a little heavy and certainly I have so many ideas to blog about in the future that are light and enjoyable. I keep a running lists of topics for future blogs, and I get ideas throughout the day and night. Either in dreams, at my desk at work, at church or just doing daily tasks at home. The silence is golden and I make a point to have as little noise as possible when possible. Light music is so enjoyable compared to advertisers telling me what to buy or watch on the TV. And the content of the program in between the commercials is so often questionable. I have a 12 yr old at home and I am trying very hard to at least make my home a safe haven of sorts. The world out there is pretty rough. I have been condemned for "sheltering Ross too much". That is not true. It is my job to shelter him to some extent. He will have amble opportunity to find out for himself what is out there.
My house has no clocks that chime or tick tock. There is not 1-2 barking dogs. There is not 2-3 TV's on at once. There is not loud talking or yelling. If the TV is on and no one is watching it, I turn it off. I sometimes wonder if I was born to the right family because our home growing up was noisy and hectic. My uncle from Texas was an antique clock dealer and we had approximately 6 clocks that chimed or cuckoo'ed. I had four sisters but I preferred to play alone with my toys and pets. I just desired peace. I sought out peace. And it is a demand I have in my current home. I tell my kids and others that I will have a house of peace. Period. I have worked too hard to maintain peace. And now the Lord has given me such peace in my heart. Praise you Lord!
I had such a wonderful time as a kid, playing by myself. I loved to go to bed early and get up early. (extremely early). These habits have stayed with me. I used to set my alarm on Saturdays at 6am. I did this to watch Bugs Bunny cartoons. I taped with cassette the episodes. I would lay close to the console TV and record it, trying not to wake anyone up. I did this also to enjoy the classical and broadway music that accompanied the episodes. This interest in music later inspired me to play the piano with such passion. I just love good music. My mom seemed to notice my love for music that was not popular with most 8 year olds. So, when I asked for dance lessons, she said piano lessons. Thank you for that, mom! I still have every piece of sheet music that I ever played or owned since age 8. I am amazed at the selections I played at that early age. I remember mom calling my music teacher, or writing in my music diary the songs that she wanted me to play next. And my piano teacher would order the sheet music. I'd bring it home and play it. I had never heard of many of these songs. Mom would assist. She'd explain the dynamics. And that is cool, because the dynamics are spelled out for the musician on the sheets of paper, but to have someone stand beside you and explain where to play soft or loud or with what emotion is an experience. And it was my mother doing that.
I taught my mom to play piano. I tried to teach anyone that was interested how to play piano. I would put little kids that visited our house up to the piano and give them a lesson. I remember putting the cat and dogs paws on the keyboard or my dolls hands!
My mom insisted that she taught herself piano. We will leave it at that. I have the proof of the pencil marks on the sheet music of my instruction. Why she wouldn't just surrender and claim me as her teacher is beyond me. She was so talented and so determined. She would play hours a day and I would play 45 min. to 2 hours a day. My poor sister. The piano was in her bedroom!
My start with piano after the foiled dance lesson request included me walking 1/4 mile to my neighbors to play on their piano. Mom and dad said I needed to show them commitment before they would buy a piano. So, I walked or rode my bike up that steep hill and played on their very old and large upright grand. Elsie and Bud were the best neighbors anyone could have. And they had Pepsi and Snickers in the fridge for treats for us! What neat people and so loving. I never wanted to go home when I went to their house. Fried pork chops so often for supper.
It took approximately 9 months, if memory serves me right, for my commitment to shine through and now a piano would be available for me. It was a very large upright grand as well. I used to take it apart to experiment with the sound. I would take the lower panel off (large panel of wood just behind the pedals) and raise the top lid. I would take a flashlight and just study its parts. I actually messed with the stirrups and hammers at times if they acted up. I did this quite gingerly. It seemed to improve whatever the problem was.
Along with the piano and my musical interest was just a simple, fairy-like attitude. I loved to talk to the flowers and pets and toys. And if I played in the long grass in the grove, I would imagine such incredible journeys, laying in the grass, escaping tigers and bad guys. My doll, Drowsey was in tow. Baby Beans doll was lucky sometimes to get to come along.
I was quite the tree climber and tree house maker. I was making things all the time out of scrap wood and old junk. I was not afraid of heights, and I could out climb my sister. She would get so mad at me. I am now cautious of heights. I think the only thing that bugged me was jumping off of our shed. My ankles ached when they hit the ground.
We had a creek very near our house. Parts of it would freeze in the winter and we always had a pair of ice skates that fit. Ice Castles was a big movie then, and of course, this fairy would skate until her feet blistered, trying to remake the movie. Singing and skating. My ankles again hurt!
Oh, the joys of childhood. I am thankful for the most part that I was raised in the country. I missed my friends, especially in the summer, but your imagination really gets exercise as a kid in the country. It all seemed so big. The cottonwood trees, the barns, the distance from the tree house to the safety of our house.
I continued with this childlike spirit as an adult. An adult that has endured great pain. Through the pain, I remember really noticing the moon when I was approximately 26 years old. And the beauty of an inky black sky. And sunrises and sunsets. I vocally (to myself mostly) still comment on these miracles in nature, provided by our Creator. I just saw a dove like bird in a window near our stairway at work. I had just had a phone call that upset me and I was taking the steps down to the mail room. There was a gift from God. A lovely dove looking at me on 3rd floor. I said hi to it. And then I thanked God for that precious gift during a painful morning.
I will continue to be a fairy. I will enjoy talking to things that can't talk back to me. My cat, flowers, things I am taking photos of. I say hi to my house when I come home from work. I wave and say hi to my parents when I drive by Garden of Memories.
Why are you waiting to be a child in this harsh world? Everyone deserves a childhood. If you were not granted a fair shake at that as a youngster, start it now. Show your children how simple it is to be happy. How silly we can be. The Lord loves His children. He wants us to come to Him with a child-like faith. Please, enjoy while you are here. Enjoy the ride. Tell the world to wait!
Praise to our Lord and Savior! Praise to Him above all things. Let us enjoy these earthly things, but to remember, they are only on loan.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
No spellcheck, I will not capitalize the word satan!!
Praise and Glory to the Lord on this Sunday! I had a wonderful church experience at The Harvest Vineyard Church today. I am so thankful for so many open Bible/ personal relationship with Jesus churches! I have thrown out the religious rules and open my Bible for all truths and open it up regularly. It is really all we need for guidance, along with the Holy Spirit, who has graciously filled my being! Thank you Lord!
It just gets me. When I blog, I finally learned how to spellcheck and it wants me to capitalize satan. It doesn't tell me to do that with God. It also doesn't tell me to do that with the word Lord. Luckily, it tries to capitalize Jesus!! Praise for that!
So, again I am blogging about satan. I don't think we can quit talking about him. Him and his demons are roaming this earth, looking for every opportunity to destroy what Jesus came to earth to do. There are times when I know I have caught a glimpse of him. It makes me shutter. I truly believe what Romans 12:6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:6-11 state about spiritual gifts. I believe we all have gifts and mine I am learning about. Yes, I feel I can differentiate between spirits. And I know others that have shared the same. It is something we don't talk about much. And that is ok. It does bring fear into some people's hearts. You need to pray and be strong and constantly ask the Holy Spirit to cover and protect you. That is what I do. As I have said before, part of my faults of my past was that I feared satan more than God. I gave him that much power over me. I am tired of being a trembling idiot. So, I stand upright. I keep away from evil things. I am very careful about what I put into myself. God in, God out. That includes TV, music, art, who I am spending alot of time with, alcohol, negative people and actually, just discerning what my "insides" are telling me. I am getting very, very good at uncovering a "bad" feeling. If I have a bad feeling about something, I act on it.
Yes, satan has worked through me. He has worked through all of us. I have said horrible, ugly things about people I love. I have not been a good parent always. I have taken the easy road at times. I ignored reading the Word Of God just because I didn't want to reveal truths that would cause me to have to change my lifestyle. I have not attended church for periods of time in my life. I have not been a good witness at various times.
I have blogged previously about things I did as a child and adult that have invited evil into my life. And I am so glad to have asked for true forgiveness from the Lord. The risk in talking or blogging about these things is that the wrong people will give it glory. They will look at this as entertainment. No. It is serious. I only speak or type of these things to give glory to God. I don't particularly enjoy sharing about demons because I only want to speak about good things. But, too many people are getting involved in darkness and they don't even know it. I blog to share with you my experiences so that you may 1) come to know Jesus more fully due to my authentic relationship with Him as a new born again 2) you may realize some of the things you are doing are really damaging your relationship with the Lord and causing you to be distant from him 3) you may realize that some of these "myths" are really common truths. It is just that we are not sharing the important things. We are spending too much time watching a box, called a TV and we are assuming we are "saved" because we already believe John 3:16. You are missing it! There is so much more. Go deeper and deeper, people. Get on with the relationship He wants to have with you! He loves you and wants to be involved with you, step by step.
I believe if you are not diligent in your practices, your deepening your relationship with the Lord, only one being can step in and that is satan and his demons.
I give him no glory. He has robbed me in the past. He has made me scared. But, I tell you, when someone says something or does something evil, trace it back. You will find the absolute root is not in goodness. It is in evil and that comes from one place.
I have written in my journal specific instances when satan has involved himself in a circumstance. He has used someone else's mouth or hand or mind or even a look. And I am on to him. And when he uses me, I recognize it, repent to the person I wronged and ask God for forgiveness and more strength the next time. Praise God!
One thing I look for when I go to a new church now, or when I watch religious shows on TV, is I hope they bring up this crummy fella's name: satan. Let's call him out! Let's not be afraid to state that he uses our weaknesses to lie to us and assists us in sin.
If your church rarely brings him up in the sermon, I want you to think about that. If your church does not regularly remind you to open your Bibles outside of church, remind you of what everyday sin really is: gossip, negative attitudes, numbing yourself with alcohol or pain killers or drugs, not witnessing when you could be, sexual immortality, anything addictive or that causes you to put it before God, and what that really means: Well, I say I would just think and pray about that. We are again, as "religious", getting hung up on big sins vs. little sins. They are all the same. So: You are in the same category as the murderers! Yes, you are.
As I have heard other "believers" say: "I don't break the commandments, I don't kill people, I don't commit adultery, etc.
Remember: the most powerful people satan uses are ..........Christians!
Amen. Lord please guide me and all who read these words. We give You all the glory. Love you Abba Father!
It just gets me. When I blog, I finally learned how to spellcheck and it wants me to capitalize satan. It doesn't tell me to do that with God. It also doesn't tell me to do that with the word Lord. Luckily, it tries to capitalize Jesus!! Praise for that!
So, again I am blogging about satan. I don't think we can quit talking about him. Him and his demons are roaming this earth, looking for every opportunity to destroy what Jesus came to earth to do. There are times when I know I have caught a glimpse of him. It makes me shutter. I truly believe what Romans 12:6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:6-11 state about spiritual gifts. I believe we all have gifts and mine I am learning about. Yes, I feel I can differentiate between spirits. And I know others that have shared the same. It is something we don't talk about much. And that is ok. It does bring fear into some people's hearts. You need to pray and be strong and constantly ask the Holy Spirit to cover and protect you. That is what I do. As I have said before, part of my faults of my past was that I feared satan more than God. I gave him that much power over me. I am tired of being a trembling idiot. So, I stand upright. I keep away from evil things. I am very careful about what I put into myself. God in, God out. That includes TV, music, art, who I am spending alot of time with, alcohol, negative people and actually, just discerning what my "insides" are telling me. I am getting very, very good at uncovering a "bad" feeling. If I have a bad feeling about something, I act on it.
Yes, satan has worked through me. He has worked through all of us. I have said horrible, ugly things about people I love. I have not been a good parent always. I have taken the easy road at times. I ignored reading the Word Of God just because I didn't want to reveal truths that would cause me to have to change my lifestyle. I have not attended church for periods of time in my life. I have not been a good witness at various times.
I have blogged previously about things I did as a child and adult that have invited evil into my life. And I am so glad to have asked for true forgiveness from the Lord. The risk in talking or blogging about these things is that the wrong people will give it glory. They will look at this as entertainment. No. It is serious. I only speak or type of these things to give glory to God. I don't particularly enjoy sharing about demons because I only want to speak about good things. But, too many people are getting involved in darkness and they don't even know it. I blog to share with you my experiences so that you may 1) come to know Jesus more fully due to my authentic relationship with Him as a new born again 2) you may realize some of the things you are doing are really damaging your relationship with the Lord and causing you to be distant from him 3) you may realize that some of these "myths" are really common truths. It is just that we are not sharing the important things. We are spending too much time watching a box, called a TV and we are assuming we are "saved" because we already believe John 3:16. You are missing it! There is so much more. Go deeper and deeper, people. Get on with the relationship He wants to have with you! He loves you and wants to be involved with you, step by step.
I believe if you are not diligent in your practices, your deepening your relationship with the Lord, only one being can step in and that is satan and his demons.
I give him no glory. He has robbed me in the past. He has made me scared. But, I tell you, when someone says something or does something evil, trace it back. You will find the absolute root is not in goodness. It is in evil and that comes from one place.
I have written in my journal specific instances when satan has involved himself in a circumstance. He has used someone else's mouth or hand or mind or even a look. And I am on to him. And when he uses me, I recognize it, repent to the person I wronged and ask God for forgiveness and more strength the next time. Praise God!
One thing I look for when I go to a new church now, or when I watch religious shows on TV, is I hope they bring up this crummy fella's name: satan. Let's call him out! Let's not be afraid to state that he uses our weaknesses to lie to us and assists us in sin.
If your church rarely brings him up in the sermon, I want you to think about that. If your church does not regularly remind you to open your Bibles outside of church, remind you of what everyday sin really is: gossip, negative attitudes, numbing yourself with alcohol or pain killers or drugs, not witnessing when you could be, sexual immortality, anything addictive or that causes you to put it before God, and what that really means: Well, I say I would just think and pray about that. We are again, as "religious", getting hung up on big sins vs. little sins. They are all the same. So: You are in the same category as the murderers! Yes, you are.
As I have heard other "believers" say: "I don't break the commandments, I don't kill people, I don't commit adultery, etc.
Remember: the most powerful people satan uses are ..........Christians!
Amen. Lord please guide me and all who read these words. We give You all the glory. Love you Abba Father!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
The Root Of Anxiety. A pill won't cure it.
Praise to you! It is again a beautiful fall weekend. Worship tomorrow for me and I am looking forward to that. May I again state that I pray that God will bless my typed words. This is all to glorify Him and to help others gain freedom from the earthly things that have stalled, halted and blocked the Holy Spirit from completely entering into their being. I am so happy to say that I truly have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ now and please if you are not sure if you do, please ask him to assist you to enter into that! My life now has such rich meaning and I sure smile alot more!
In my journey, especially the last 10 months, I have become quite the writer. I have shared before in my blog, my love for writing during my daily devotion. These are simply love letters to the Lord. (and some love letters to very important people in my life!) In my journal, I have also made lists of sorts. All kinds of lists. I will share in a future blog the lies of alcohol and how it has snuck up on me a few times in my life.
One of the lists I wanted to put on paper and face finally was my childhood fears. You may say you had all kinds of fears as a child and that they are normal. And yes, they are. Our fear of the dark, our fear of strangers, etc. I knew as a child my anxieties were way out of whack. And as an adult, I tried to hide them. And then came the panic attacks. My anxieties as a child, as far back as I can remember actually caused me to be ill. I won't go into detail because I don't think you need to know every detail about me, but it really hindered my sleep and my ability to relax to name a few things.
Here is my list of fears as a child: Tornadoes, trees falling on our house during high wind, babysitting in other peoples homes, fear of our own home growing up, aliens, Big Foot, being in a boat, being home alone, ghosts, fear of our neighbor man, fear of men and boys, fear of our basement, fear of foods such as liver, eggplant and mushrooms, snakes, dogs and cows.
What a list! The problem is: alot of these fears didn't subside much as a teenager or young adult. And I developed heart palpitations at age 20. That was when a physician talked to me about anxiety. And it took me 23 years to really understand where that anxiety was coming from.
Now I can say that my anxiety as an adult was an accumulation of guilt and anger. Maybe counselors and physicians have been telling me that for years. I don't think I was a very good listener if they did! As an adult, I was 1) not completely walking in the light and 2) had not forgave those who had wronged me. It added up to a pile. And guilt and anger will rob you, as me, of freedom. It will continue to pile up. And please, if you have someone in your past to forgive, find a way to do it. Maybe even just ask the Lord to scan your life for you. We have blinders on. We even forget how much we have hated someone if we have done it for years. We just look at it as a deserved behavior. "I have the right to hate that person. They sexually abused me". No, you don't have the right to hate someone even for that kind of wicked crime. Ask me. You can't believe the crimes that have been committed against me and my loved ones. Anything and everything is forgivable. Amen, Lord. Thank you for giving me your love on the cross. I will praise You!
If I can, I would like to expand on my particular childhood fears. You may not understand a fear of food. I can specifically remember seeing the eggplant on the counter or hear the rumor from my sisters that we were having liver for supper, and feeling actually sick all day about it. It would ruin my day. I would obsessively think about it and how I was going to get through supper. And then I knew I would be forced to eat it. That is what some parents did back then. I tried to also make my two older kids "take a bite" of food they didn't like. And Ben vomited up that tiny bite of squash. And then, I decided, really, is it worth it? If I can convince them to try different foods, great, but if they are freaking out about it, jeez, move on and throw that bite of food down the drain!
I also watched In Search Of. And that show got me scared! That is where I believe I became so scared of Big Foot and aliens.
I believe I have a personality that obsesses about things and this includes things I fear. So as a child, I believe I had a predisposition to anxiety type behavior. Just like people have a predisposition to other disorders. But, how you handle your feelings is another matter. How about putting faith into your fears? Yes, I prayed, I read the Bible. But, I didn't trust the Lord completely apparently.
I believe my journaling has helped me to expose these truths about me. I was ready to move forward on so many elements this past year or so.
To be free from satan and his tricks, you have to expose him. And I have decided I have wasted enough of my life letting him tell me lies. My fears have filled my head so much that the Holy Spirit had a hard time getting through all that muck. And that is the hope of satan. So, journaling has put these fears concrete in front of me. It also has helped me to express them to others more freely. You can't imagine the responses. Most people are relieved to hear that they are normal. That we all pretty much are sharing the same story here on earth. We just aren't being authentic with each other, making us think everyone else has it so much better or everyone else has got it together. So far from the truth.
So, there is my anxiety for you. It is a healthy anxiety now. It is a fight or fright natural mechanism. Yes, I freak out a little here and there from icy roads and I hate emptying the mouse trap and repeat certain phrases over and over again to assist me in scary times. But, I am not medicating myself in any way, shape or form to help this anxiety. And I feel as calm as I have ever in my life, without medication. I put my trust in the Lord finally. I have surrendered to him. I am ready for anything.
I have seen the pharmaceutical commercials and magazine ads to "own your disease." These ads are for either pain or psychological type diseases. This is really getting out of hand. I have bought into it many times. Yes, these drugs are helpful. If I didn't watch TV or pick up a magazine to see this ad, I may have not known that I may suffer from this disease or that. But, going from the ADHD craze (yes, many kids need this medicine), it had scores of parents screen their kids for it, some parents sure their kids needed this medicine. I think some parents would have been relieved if someone could offer a pill to make their youngster sit still more and behave. I certainly would have liked that as well. They may have even been a little disappointed to hear that their child did not have ADHD. Now, they had to come up with another plan. A harder plan.
Do you believe that the Lord can heal you? Truly heal you? Especially in matters of subjective medicine. Psychological disorders: Eating disorders, alcohol and drug addiction, tobacco addiction, chronic pain, panic attacks, depression, OCD? Please ask the Lord to help you examine the ROOT of your problem. He would love to help you! And then you can glorify Him! And share with others your victory! He wants to give you victories! Please, I ask you to lean on him even when the doctor wants you to take a pill for "it". I am living proof of someone who has been prescribed medication after medication and all I needed to do was be patient, pray, surrender and TRUST. And I will continue to work hard on my "disorders" and not let the lies of the world (satan) keep me enslaved to them. I bet if you told your doctor you want to be in the drivers seat, you want to get off of that medicine, you are praying and hey, maybe he can pray with you as well, that the Lord can give you the power to overcome. AMEN!!! Give it a shot! All with the help of the Holy Spirit's guidance. Praise God for his gift of awakening me!
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
In my journey, especially the last 10 months, I have become quite the writer. I have shared before in my blog, my love for writing during my daily devotion. These are simply love letters to the Lord. (and some love letters to very important people in my life!) In my journal, I have also made lists of sorts. All kinds of lists. I will share in a future blog the lies of alcohol and how it has snuck up on me a few times in my life.
One of the lists I wanted to put on paper and face finally was my childhood fears. You may say you had all kinds of fears as a child and that they are normal. And yes, they are. Our fear of the dark, our fear of strangers, etc. I knew as a child my anxieties were way out of whack. And as an adult, I tried to hide them. And then came the panic attacks. My anxieties as a child, as far back as I can remember actually caused me to be ill. I won't go into detail because I don't think you need to know every detail about me, but it really hindered my sleep and my ability to relax to name a few things.
Here is my list of fears as a child: Tornadoes, trees falling on our house during high wind, babysitting in other peoples homes, fear of our own home growing up, aliens, Big Foot, being in a boat, being home alone, ghosts, fear of our neighbor man, fear of men and boys, fear of our basement, fear of foods such as liver, eggplant and mushrooms, snakes, dogs and cows.
What a list! The problem is: alot of these fears didn't subside much as a teenager or young adult. And I developed heart palpitations at age 20. That was when a physician talked to me about anxiety. And it took me 23 years to really understand where that anxiety was coming from.
Now I can say that my anxiety as an adult was an accumulation of guilt and anger. Maybe counselors and physicians have been telling me that for years. I don't think I was a very good listener if they did! As an adult, I was 1) not completely walking in the light and 2) had not forgave those who had wronged me. It added up to a pile. And guilt and anger will rob you, as me, of freedom. It will continue to pile up. And please, if you have someone in your past to forgive, find a way to do it. Maybe even just ask the Lord to scan your life for you. We have blinders on. We even forget how much we have hated someone if we have done it for years. We just look at it as a deserved behavior. "I have the right to hate that person. They sexually abused me". No, you don't have the right to hate someone even for that kind of wicked crime. Ask me. You can't believe the crimes that have been committed against me and my loved ones. Anything and everything is forgivable. Amen, Lord. Thank you for giving me your love on the cross. I will praise You!
If I can, I would like to expand on my particular childhood fears. You may not understand a fear of food. I can specifically remember seeing the eggplant on the counter or hear the rumor from my sisters that we were having liver for supper, and feeling actually sick all day about it. It would ruin my day. I would obsessively think about it and how I was going to get through supper. And then I knew I would be forced to eat it. That is what some parents did back then. I tried to also make my two older kids "take a bite" of food they didn't like. And Ben vomited up that tiny bite of squash. And then, I decided, really, is it worth it? If I can convince them to try different foods, great, but if they are freaking out about it, jeez, move on and throw that bite of food down the drain!
I also watched In Search Of. And that show got me scared! That is where I believe I became so scared of Big Foot and aliens.
I believe I have a personality that obsesses about things and this includes things I fear. So as a child, I believe I had a predisposition to anxiety type behavior. Just like people have a predisposition to other disorders. But, how you handle your feelings is another matter. How about putting faith into your fears? Yes, I prayed, I read the Bible. But, I didn't trust the Lord completely apparently.
I believe my journaling has helped me to expose these truths about me. I was ready to move forward on so many elements this past year or so.
To be free from satan and his tricks, you have to expose him. And I have decided I have wasted enough of my life letting him tell me lies. My fears have filled my head so much that the Holy Spirit had a hard time getting through all that muck. And that is the hope of satan. So, journaling has put these fears concrete in front of me. It also has helped me to express them to others more freely. You can't imagine the responses. Most people are relieved to hear that they are normal. That we all pretty much are sharing the same story here on earth. We just aren't being authentic with each other, making us think everyone else has it so much better or everyone else has got it together. So far from the truth.
So, there is my anxiety for you. It is a healthy anxiety now. It is a fight or fright natural mechanism. Yes, I freak out a little here and there from icy roads and I hate emptying the mouse trap and repeat certain phrases over and over again to assist me in scary times. But, I am not medicating myself in any way, shape or form to help this anxiety. And I feel as calm as I have ever in my life, without medication. I put my trust in the Lord finally. I have surrendered to him. I am ready for anything.
I have seen the pharmaceutical commercials and magazine ads to "own your disease." These ads are for either pain or psychological type diseases. This is really getting out of hand. I have bought into it many times. Yes, these drugs are helpful. If I didn't watch TV or pick up a magazine to see this ad, I may have not known that I may suffer from this disease or that. But, going from the ADHD craze (yes, many kids need this medicine), it had scores of parents screen their kids for it, some parents sure their kids needed this medicine. I think some parents would have been relieved if someone could offer a pill to make their youngster sit still more and behave. I certainly would have liked that as well. They may have even been a little disappointed to hear that their child did not have ADHD. Now, they had to come up with another plan. A harder plan.
Do you believe that the Lord can heal you? Truly heal you? Especially in matters of subjective medicine. Psychological disorders: Eating disorders, alcohol and drug addiction, tobacco addiction, chronic pain, panic attacks, depression, OCD? Please ask the Lord to help you examine the ROOT of your problem. He would love to help you! And then you can glorify Him! And share with others your victory! He wants to give you victories! Please, I ask you to lean on him even when the doctor wants you to take a pill for "it". I am living proof of someone who has been prescribed medication after medication and all I needed to do was be patient, pray, surrender and TRUST. And I will continue to work hard on my "disorders" and not let the lies of the world (satan) keep me enslaved to them. I bet if you told your doctor you want to be in the drivers seat, you want to get off of that medicine, you are praying and hey, maybe he can pray with you as well, that the Lord can give you the power to overcome. AMEN!!! Give it a shot! All with the help of the Holy Spirit's guidance. Praise God for his gift of awakening me!
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Dollar Menu Brats
Praise! I just finished reading out of Isaiah (and other easier reads from the Bible). I am working towards my One year Bible reading adventure. I made a deal with myself to read from the Bible before blogging in an attempt to be sincere and free from the world's imprint on me, at least for that period of time before blogging. And, it appears I will finish that Bible cover to cover some time in the next year to year and a half. I am going to do it out of love and respect for those precious words. I am ready to read what was God inspired and face it. Not because I feel I have to. No more of that standard religious check mark system for me.
I sit here on a September day with a fire in the fireplace. It is Sunday and after such a busy week and weekend I decided to not leave the house now that church and Ross' football game are over. I am going to read and cook and blog and spend a lot of time with Ross and the Lord. Amen.
Sitting here with a fire in the fireplace seems like a luxury. Other people would not say that. It would be a necessity. Actually, my fireplace uses wood and it sucks the heat up the chimney and wastes. But for that little bit of heat I factor out the ambiance of it all and relaxation it provides for the household. It calms us. That smell of the wood and the crackle. I think it does do alot more than waste my natural gas.
One day I thought about it and realized I could probably feed Ross and I with Dollar Menu items. Every meal. I figure we could eat for $14.00 a day that way. Isn't that insane? If you think about it, we have maids and butlers who serve us hot, fresh food every day. We only see their laboring through the drive thru window. We could get rid of our freezers and stoves and just bring home a hot meal, every meal, and never shop for the grocery items, refrigerate the grocery item, prepare and cook the grocery item. And guess what? If we ate it in the restaurant, we could avoid the water to wash the dishes. And cancel the garbage man. We wouldn't have any garbage to throw out. We could leave that plastic straw and hamburger wrapper at the McDonald's!
I am a deep thinker and no, you will not have to excuse me for that. I think all of the time and think controversial things. I think about things that others don't expand on in their heads. This drive thru diet came to me because I have been confused about the population that includes my adult children. They work crazy hours. They don't have 403B plans. They are slaves to 2-3 jobs. They work mostly in food service jobs. They are on their feet all the time. They go to work usually late in the day and get home a few hours before I get up. They sleep until 1pm. No wonder. We are all to blame for this.
They don't cook much for themselves. They don't buy houses, they rent. They live for today. They are committed to their cell phone contracts. They don't get married, they live together first. They are afraid of divorce because the generation before them divorced more than any time in history. That includes me and many people I know. These kids were watching us.
I was relieved to do deep thinking about the 20-30 year olds because it helped me appreciate them. They don't obsess about their future. They don't seem to worship a job they don't like. They move on to something that fits them better. They don't count their money and check the stock market all the time. They change churches from their parents churches. They are vocal to their parents and authority figures and are comfortable about expressing themselves.
Why do I blog this? I think we need to think about these things. We are spending so much time in front of our televisions. We are watching other peoples reality on TV and not digging down deep into our own families. We are not talking about our family history or setting up healthy traditions. We are not talking in the car, we have the radio on. We are not praying for each other. We are so darn afraid to point out what our loved ones are doing to tragically ruin their lives.
It helped me to put together the Dollar Menu story in my noggin because it helped me understand my adult children. Am I going to eat fast food still? Yes. Is it easy and cheap? Yes. Is it healthy? No. But, because most Walmarts, Walgreens and restaurants are now open very late or open 24 hours a day, there is a massive employment opportunity for corporate America. And it is our children that are working there. And they are not experiencing commitment to an employer or a taste of a career. How can they get to church if they are working these crazy hours? How can they commit to a Wednesday Bible study when their employer has them by the tail? How can they believe that there is a ladder to success if they are in a position that there is no "up"? Yes, they can go to school and many of them do. But, part time school takes a long time. And many of these kids are years into debt now. They didn't get to college right away and finish on time.
We are just brats. I decided I was a true brat when I returned from a family wedding in Mexico. I spent alot of money to go there. And it was fabulous. We had fine dining all day, any time you wanted it. Buffets all day. Steak, European cuisine, finest desserts. We had bars everywhere, top shelf alcohol. Any drink you wanted, you got it. Any time. You had a bar in your hotel room. Stocked. A swim up bar in the pool. It was insane. But, in my head I figured if I paid that amount of money for this all inclusive, I deserved it. I also believed that the economy thrives on us tourist. And without us, they would not be employed.
And then I came home. And I thought about it. I felt guilty. On top of it, my reading includes Christian authors who are warning us that we are missing the entire point of the Gospel. That we Americans are buying everything in sight, still not happy, and not spreading the good news of Jesus around the world. We already are spending our money on other things, so how can we spend money on mission trips or buy Bibles for prisons. Are we tithing? Or would it be like I discovered of myself: Why am I going to luxury resorts when I could be trying to live a little more realistic?
I do not regret the trip to Mexico. The ocean is so beautiful there. I spent time with family. I didn't over indulge in either drink or food. I read three books and relaxed on the beach. I talked to God. I cried to Him when I looked into the ocean. I praised him for the incredible sunset on my last day there. I think the Lord opened my eyes to a new level. I saw that the more food and drink I shoved down my throat, the more selfish I got. He showed me that most of us cannot handle that type of wealth or special treatment. We just get more hungry for more. At this point in my spiritual journey, I decided if I vacationed in a beautiful part of the world again, I would buy my groceries at their Walmart, enjoy the ocean for a bargain price at hotel chain that requires me to put my own napkin in my lap. And walk a ways to get to a beach chair that may have already been spoken for.
I knew the Holy Spirit was with me when I gave in to the devil. I was in Dallas-Fort Worth airport, arriving from Mexico on the way home and we missed our flight to Cedar Rapids. It was not our fault. I ran the entire way to the gate (I suffer from asthma as well) and the plane was still there, but they would not let us board it. I was out of breath and really missing Ross. I knew now it would be 11pm before I saw him, and that was if the next flight left on time. I had a "discussion" with the American Airlines attendant at the gate. And I was really getting mad. And then I walked away. And there she was again when I went somewhere else to complain. And I gave it to her again. And then I used the Lord's name in vain. Boy, the devil got me there, didn't he. This born again Christian was arguing a little too loud in the airport and then, she says "Jesus Christ". And I shut up instantly. I knew the trap I just walked into. I instantly knew what had happened. I was being a brat and gave into Satan's delight. She didn't have to make it right that the previous aircraft held us on board after landing for 25 minutes without recording it, making our connection impossible, and giving her no concrete information on why we didn't get to this terminal on time. Set-ups and traps by Satan. Another blog to be published. Just wait for that. I actually document his traps he sets for me! And I learn of his trickery. And I am getting wiser and wiser.
If any of you know me well, you will know that I have said since gambling was legal in Iowa that I never wanted to win the lottery. I rarely buy any lottery tickets. I only go to the casino once or twice a year to gamble. I don't want to win. I don't want to be instantly rich. I want to keep steady with the plan. I would assume that almost 100% of people who encounter instant wealth will put their soul in jeopardy. And will not have a true friend. And those that encounter slow, gaining wealth will encounter the same problems. It just sneaks up on you. Just like most earthly things. We just aren't capable of being spoiled. Only our glorious Father should be spoiling us. With open arms. With praise for our obeying Him. With treasures in heaven. With a relationship that is not possible with humans, only with Him.
I sit here on a September day with a fire in the fireplace. It is Sunday and after such a busy week and weekend I decided to not leave the house now that church and Ross' football game are over. I am going to read and cook and blog and spend a lot of time with Ross and the Lord. Amen.
Sitting here with a fire in the fireplace seems like a luxury. Other people would not say that. It would be a necessity. Actually, my fireplace uses wood and it sucks the heat up the chimney and wastes. But for that little bit of heat I factor out the ambiance of it all and relaxation it provides for the household. It calms us. That smell of the wood and the crackle. I think it does do alot more than waste my natural gas.
One day I thought about it and realized I could probably feed Ross and I with Dollar Menu items. Every meal. I figure we could eat for $14.00 a day that way. Isn't that insane? If you think about it, we have maids and butlers who serve us hot, fresh food every day. We only see their laboring through the drive thru window. We could get rid of our freezers and stoves and just bring home a hot meal, every meal, and never shop for the grocery items, refrigerate the grocery item, prepare and cook the grocery item. And guess what? If we ate it in the restaurant, we could avoid the water to wash the dishes. And cancel the garbage man. We wouldn't have any garbage to throw out. We could leave that plastic straw and hamburger wrapper at the McDonald's!
I am a deep thinker and no, you will not have to excuse me for that. I think all of the time and think controversial things. I think about things that others don't expand on in their heads. This drive thru diet came to me because I have been confused about the population that includes my adult children. They work crazy hours. They don't have 403B plans. They are slaves to 2-3 jobs. They work mostly in food service jobs. They are on their feet all the time. They go to work usually late in the day and get home a few hours before I get up. They sleep until 1pm. No wonder. We are all to blame for this.
They don't cook much for themselves. They don't buy houses, they rent. They live for today. They are committed to their cell phone contracts. They don't get married, they live together first. They are afraid of divorce because the generation before them divorced more than any time in history. That includes me and many people I know. These kids were watching us.
I was relieved to do deep thinking about the 20-30 year olds because it helped me appreciate them. They don't obsess about their future. They don't seem to worship a job they don't like. They move on to something that fits them better. They don't count their money and check the stock market all the time. They change churches from their parents churches. They are vocal to their parents and authority figures and are comfortable about expressing themselves.
Why do I blog this? I think we need to think about these things. We are spending so much time in front of our televisions. We are watching other peoples reality on TV and not digging down deep into our own families. We are not talking about our family history or setting up healthy traditions. We are not talking in the car, we have the radio on. We are not praying for each other. We are so darn afraid to point out what our loved ones are doing to tragically ruin their lives.
It helped me to put together the Dollar Menu story in my noggin because it helped me understand my adult children. Am I going to eat fast food still? Yes. Is it easy and cheap? Yes. Is it healthy? No. But, because most Walmarts, Walgreens and restaurants are now open very late or open 24 hours a day, there is a massive employment opportunity for corporate America. And it is our children that are working there. And they are not experiencing commitment to an employer or a taste of a career. How can they get to church if they are working these crazy hours? How can they commit to a Wednesday Bible study when their employer has them by the tail? How can they believe that there is a ladder to success if they are in a position that there is no "up"? Yes, they can go to school and many of them do. But, part time school takes a long time. And many of these kids are years into debt now. They didn't get to college right away and finish on time.
We are just brats. I decided I was a true brat when I returned from a family wedding in Mexico. I spent alot of money to go there. And it was fabulous. We had fine dining all day, any time you wanted it. Buffets all day. Steak, European cuisine, finest desserts. We had bars everywhere, top shelf alcohol. Any drink you wanted, you got it. Any time. You had a bar in your hotel room. Stocked. A swim up bar in the pool. It was insane. But, in my head I figured if I paid that amount of money for this all inclusive, I deserved it. I also believed that the economy thrives on us tourist. And without us, they would not be employed.
And then I came home. And I thought about it. I felt guilty. On top of it, my reading includes Christian authors who are warning us that we are missing the entire point of the Gospel. That we Americans are buying everything in sight, still not happy, and not spreading the good news of Jesus around the world. We already are spending our money on other things, so how can we spend money on mission trips or buy Bibles for prisons. Are we tithing? Or would it be like I discovered of myself: Why am I going to luxury resorts when I could be trying to live a little more realistic?
I do not regret the trip to Mexico. The ocean is so beautiful there. I spent time with family. I didn't over indulge in either drink or food. I read three books and relaxed on the beach. I talked to God. I cried to Him when I looked into the ocean. I praised him for the incredible sunset on my last day there. I think the Lord opened my eyes to a new level. I saw that the more food and drink I shoved down my throat, the more selfish I got. He showed me that most of us cannot handle that type of wealth or special treatment. We just get more hungry for more. At this point in my spiritual journey, I decided if I vacationed in a beautiful part of the world again, I would buy my groceries at their Walmart, enjoy the ocean for a bargain price at hotel chain that requires me to put my own napkin in my lap. And walk a ways to get to a beach chair that may have already been spoken for.
I knew the Holy Spirit was with me when I gave in to the devil. I was in Dallas-Fort Worth airport, arriving from Mexico on the way home and we missed our flight to Cedar Rapids. It was not our fault. I ran the entire way to the gate (I suffer from asthma as well) and the plane was still there, but they would not let us board it. I was out of breath and really missing Ross. I knew now it would be 11pm before I saw him, and that was if the next flight left on time. I had a "discussion" with the American Airlines attendant at the gate. And I was really getting mad. And then I walked away. And there she was again when I went somewhere else to complain. And I gave it to her again. And then I used the Lord's name in vain. Boy, the devil got me there, didn't he. This born again Christian was arguing a little too loud in the airport and then, she says "Jesus Christ". And I shut up instantly. I knew the trap I just walked into. I instantly knew what had happened. I was being a brat and gave into Satan's delight. She didn't have to make it right that the previous aircraft held us on board after landing for 25 minutes without recording it, making our connection impossible, and giving her no concrete information on why we didn't get to this terminal on time. Set-ups and traps by Satan. Another blog to be published. Just wait for that. I actually document his traps he sets for me! And I learn of his trickery. And I am getting wiser and wiser.
If any of you know me well, you will know that I have said since gambling was legal in Iowa that I never wanted to win the lottery. I rarely buy any lottery tickets. I only go to the casino once or twice a year to gamble. I don't want to win. I don't want to be instantly rich. I want to keep steady with the plan. I would assume that almost 100% of people who encounter instant wealth will put their soul in jeopardy. And will not have a true friend. And those that encounter slow, gaining wealth will encounter the same problems. It just sneaks up on you. Just like most earthly things. We just aren't capable of being spoiled. Only our glorious Father should be spoiling us. With open arms. With praise for our obeying Him. With treasures in heaven. With a relationship that is not possible with humans, only with Him.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Even Minnesota Catholic Ladies Are Spiritual!
Blessings to you from Minnesota! I am here visiting my son Ben, who is in college, and Ross and I are in the hotel, relaxing.
It has been a great way to start a trip, pulling away from McDonald's in Waterloo with our breakfasts, I grab Ross' hands and we pray quick for a safe trip. A direct, sincere prayer to our Lord to look after us. And then we were off. I like my new life in Christ this way! Lots of prayer. And my kids seem to be absorbing all of this. Praise you Lord! Bless my children and grandchildren. I am now determined to be a walking-in-Jesus-skin- person (so they say at church).
Being in Minnesota is interesting when you have lived here before. I moved here in 1998. I lived in a quaint, tourist town called Lanesboro. What a delight. Bicycle trails and small town living. And I mean small town. If you needed a pair of shoes or a birthday gift last minute, forget it. And if it was an icy or snowy winter, you didn't get out of town for days. Rochester was the nearest town of much significance, and that was 55 minutes away. I raised some eyebrows when I would go to Cresco or Decorah (Oh, they just don't like Iowa like they like Minnesota up here) to get my groceries at Fareway or Walmart.
With so many wonderful things about this town of Lanesboro was also the church suppers and community activities. The churches really provide social time, along with worship. I so looked forward to coffee after church (I was a stay at home mom for the time I lived up north). I also had some moms that I met for coffee (with our babies along). I did also participate in a multi-church sponsored Bible study. We studied Ecclesiastes.
One thing I especially loved was our Catholic church. It was on a high hill. It was St. Patricks. And Father Tom was the most awesome priest I had yet met. I had just become Catholic a few months before we moved up north. And this priest was around my age. He stated he was a garbage truck driver prior. He states he was the hyper type (like me). And he never had silence around him to be able to think straight, let alone let the Holy Spirit try to have a conversation with him. But one day his radio broke in his garbage truck. And God gave him a clear message in that truck that day that he needed to join the religious life. Boom. And that is the journey he set out on. Under orders. Loving orders. (Yes, we can always have free choice).
Father Tom had supper at our house a few times. Unfortunately, he had a horrible cat allergy. So, I would clean, clean before he came and he would take a Benadryl. But, he would have to leave after about a good hour, maybe hour and a half. Father Tom also baptized my Ross. I cried, it was such a great time in my life. I had another miracle child to enjoy in my life. Three wonderful gifts of children for me. I am so fortunate to have them in my life.
Along with Father Tom (who related well with my older two children--he was so "cool" with the teens and adolescents), I had a few ladies at church that shared very intimate spiritual things with me. I can't say how lucky I have been in my life to have had people share "religious" things with me. Things that sometimes you know if you share with the wrong person, they will simply assume you are a little crackers.
Rose was one person that shared with me. She was a seasoned lady, very wise. She was in her 70's. She invited me over for coffee. She belonged to our Catholic church. She was a widow. I believe she personally blessed my Ross the day he was baptized. She was extremely spiritual and what a relief to find someone else like me in this way. Maybe that is why she was comfortable sharing. This is her story: One Sunday she took communion. And she took the bread and wine as she did every Sunday. And you can trust this woman was as Godly as they come. She stated that on one instance, the wine truly was consecrated for her. It did not taste of grapes, but of blood. She said it was a beautiful gift to have that happen to her. She felt safe in sharing that with me!
Another lady, (I am embarraced, I don't remember her name off the bat), was such a colorful person. Beautiful 70 year old or so. She wore hats to church. Fancy hats. Now, remember this is a town of 600, and this town of 600 had about 5 churches, so that means only about 50 people went to our church. She told me once that in the altar area of the church, one Sunday it was filled with heavenly angels for her eyes only. She was just in awe of it. She felt safe enough to share that with me as well. And I only lived there for 2 years! What joy for me.
I am aware that my posts may point to opinions about different types of churches. I really want to stay away from that. At the time of a large conversion in my spiritual life, I happened to be going through a 7 month intense Catholic RCIA program. We had one sponsor there that spoke prayers, almost constantly, in a hushed voice. I never had the nerve to ask her if that was what she was doing, but I just assumed, to be on the positive side of things, that was what she was doing. This RCIA program got us reading out of the Bible. And it really taught us alot about the Catholic church now. Any question you had, they found an answer. And at any time, they told you if you were not ready to move forward, that was perfectly fine. The last thing they wanted was someone to convert and regret it. The door was always open to step away if necessary.
I also want to point out, as I have in previous posts, that some people appear to have multiple conversions in their lifetime. I had a big one in 1998 and then a bigger one (Holy Spirit drenched) this past year and a half. Praise you Lord for that big wakeup call! I can say that my conversion in '98 was unfortunately one where I looked outward at others' sins a little too much. I did look inward also, but I think I was being too judgemental overall. I think I was walking the walk as a married woman, a very "busy" religious person, a stay-at-home-mom. I really couldn't screw up much there. I was doing healthy reading, keeping my kids as safe as possible from the outside forces and being there every minute that they were not in school. Our social time did not include bars or alcohol or unhealthy behaviors. We really were living a good clean life. But, I still was worshiping other things more than our God above. You can really easily miss the mark of the personal relationship with Jesus Christ when you think you are living a good life. And you don't go deeper to get that. You think you are all set.
I cannot say that I can call myself a Catholic any longer. I have a girlfriend who put it nicely. She states that she told her daughter, who is trying to find a church, that "If they don't walk in with their Bibles to church, walk right back out and find another church". I can say I truly appreciate that thinking. We are not opening our Bibles in many churches. We are not openly praying and being enthusiastic about it, and only getting enthusiastic about only getting in and out of there in less than 55 minutes. I can say I have attended a couple of churches in Cedar Falls that go well over 55 minutes and no one is hurrying to leave. It's almost like you just got started. Now, that's worship. I hope your church is like that!
I have to share one more story about churches: For over 2 1/2 years I attended a church in Independence. I went maybe once or twice a month. I never had one time in that period of 2 1/2 years have a parishiner come up to me and ask me my name or introduce themself. I told my girlfriend and her boyfriend who belong to this church about this and my disappointment in the church. They defended it nicely and bless them because they only know this type of church. (this is all I ever knew prior to attending Heartland Vineyard for the first time in 1996). Their excuse was acceptable. But, I found a yearning in my heart for a different place to praise God and to let my deep thinking and deep loving be put to good use. I guess I outgrew that type of drive-thru worship. I knew I wasn't fooling God. He was getting a little disappointed in my "putting my time in with him on Sundays".
Thank you for letting me share with you. I hope you find it helpful for someone to be genuine with you. Someone who has decided that maybe the only way for someone else to go deeper in their relationship with the Lord is to be bare bones about it. It sure helps me!
It has been a great way to start a trip, pulling away from McDonald's in Waterloo with our breakfasts, I grab Ross' hands and we pray quick for a safe trip. A direct, sincere prayer to our Lord to look after us. And then we were off. I like my new life in Christ this way! Lots of prayer. And my kids seem to be absorbing all of this. Praise you Lord! Bless my children and grandchildren. I am now determined to be a walking-in-Jesus-skin- person (so they say at church).
Being in Minnesota is interesting when you have lived here before. I moved here in 1998. I lived in a quaint, tourist town called Lanesboro. What a delight. Bicycle trails and small town living. And I mean small town. If you needed a pair of shoes or a birthday gift last minute, forget it. And if it was an icy or snowy winter, you didn't get out of town for days. Rochester was the nearest town of much significance, and that was 55 minutes away. I raised some eyebrows when I would go to Cresco or Decorah (Oh, they just don't like Iowa like they like Minnesota up here) to get my groceries at Fareway or Walmart.
With so many wonderful things about this town of Lanesboro was also the church suppers and community activities. The churches really provide social time, along with worship. I so looked forward to coffee after church (I was a stay at home mom for the time I lived up north). I also had some moms that I met for coffee (with our babies along). I did also participate in a multi-church sponsored Bible study. We studied Ecclesiastes.
One thing I especially loved was our Catholic church. It was on a high hill. It was St. Patricks. And Father Tom was the most awesome priest I had yet met. I had just become Catholic a few months before we moved up north. And this priest was around my age. He stated he was a garbage truck driver prior. He states he was the hyper type (like me). And he never had silence around him to be able to think straight, let alone let the Holy Spirit try to have a conversation with him. But one day his radio broke in his garbage truck. And God gave him a clear message in that truck that day that he needed to join the religious life. Boom. And that is the journey he set out on. Under orders. Loving orders. (Yes, we can always have free choice).
Father Tom had supper at our house a few times. Unfortunately, he had a horrible cat allergy. So, I would clean, clean before he came and he would take a Benadryl. But, he would have to leave after about a good hour, maybe hour and a half. Father Tom also baptized my Ross. I cried, it was such a great time in my life. I had another miracle child to enjoy in my life. Three wonderful gifts of children for me. I am so fortunate to have them in my life.
Along with Father Tom (who related well with my older two children--he was so "cool" with the teens and adolescents), I had a few ladies at church that shared very intimate spiritual things with me. I can't say how lucky I have been in my life to have had people share "religious" things with me. Things that sometimes you know if you share with the wrong person, they will simply assume you are a little crackers.
Rose was one person that shared with me. She was a seasoned lady, very wise. She was in her 70's. She invited me over for coffee. She belonged to our Catholic church. She was a widow. I believe she personally blessed my Ross the day he was baptized. She was extremely spiritual and what a relief to find someone else like me in this way. Maybe that is why she was comfortable sharing. This is her story: One Sunday she took communion. And she took the bread and wine as she did every Sunday. And you can trust this woman was as Godly as they come. She stated that on one instance, the wine truly was consecrated for her. It did not taste of grapes, but of blood. She said it was a beautiful gift to have that happen to her. She felt safe in sharing that with me!
Another lady, (I am embarraced, I don't remember her name off the bat), was such a colorful person. Beautiful 70 year old or so. She wore hats to church. Fancy hats. Now, remember this is a town of 600, and this town of 600 had about 5 churches, so that means only about 50 people went to our church. She told me once that in the altar area of the church, one Sunday it was filled with heavenly angels for her eyes only. She was just in awe of it. She felt safe enough to share that with me as well. And I only lived there for 2 years! What joy for me.
I am aware that my posts may point to opinions about different types of churches. I really want to stay away from that. At the time of a large conversion in my spiritual life, I happened to be going through a 7 month intense Catholic RCIA program. We had one sponsor there that spoke prayers, almost constantly, in a hushed voice. I never had the nerve to ask her if that was what she was doing, but I just assumed, to be on the positive side of things, that was what she was doing. This RCIA program got us reading out of the Bible. And it really taught us alot about the Catholic church now. Any question you had, they found an answer. And at any time, they told you if you were not ready to move forward, that was perfectly fine. The last thing they wanted was someone to convert and regret it. The door was always open to step away if necessary.
I also want to point out, as I have in previous posts, that some people appear to have multiple conversions in their lifetime. I had a big one in 1998 and then a bigger one (Holy Spirit drenched) this past year and a half. Praise you Lord for that big wakeup call! I can say that my conversion in '98 was unfortunately one where I looked outward at others' sins a little too much. I did look inward also, but I think I was being too judgemental overall. I think I was walking the walk as a married woman, a very "busy" religious person, a stay-at-home-mom. I really couldn't screw up much there. I was doing healthy reading, keeping my kids as safe as possible from the outside forces and being there every minute that they were not in school. Our social time did not include bars or alcohol or unhealthy behaviors. We really were living a good clean life. But, I still was worshiping other things more than our God above. You can really easily miss the mark of the personal relationship with Jesus Christ when you think you are living a good life. And you don't go deeper to get that. You think you are all set.
I cannot say that I can call myself a Catholic any longer. I have a girlfriend who put it nicely. She states that she told her daughter, who is trying to find a church, that "If they don't walk in with their Bibles to church, walk right back out and find another church". I can say I truly appreciate that thinking. We are not opening our Bibles in many churches. We are not openly praying and being enthusiastic about it, and only getting enthusiastic about only getting in and out of there in less than 55 minutes. I can say I have attended a couple of churches in Cedar Falls that go well over 55 minutes and no one is hurrying to leave. It's almost like you just got started. Now, that's worship. I hope your church is like that!
I have to share one more story about churches: For over 2 1/2 years I attended a church in Independence. I went maybe once or twice a month. I never had one time in that period of 2 1/2 years have a parishiner come up to me and ask me my name or introduce themself. I told my girlfriend and her boyfriend who belong to this church about this and my disappointment in the church. They defended it nicely and bless them because they only know this type of church. (this is all I ever knew prior to attending Heartland Vineyard for the first time in 1996). Their excuse was acceptable. But, I found a yearning in my heart for a different place to praise God and to let my deep thinking and deep loving be put to good use. I guess I outgrew that type of drive-thru worship. I knew I wasn't fooling God. He was getting a little disappointed in my "putting my time in with him on Sundays".
Thank you for letting me share with you. I hope you find it helpful for someone to be genuine with you. Someone who has decided that maybe the only way for someone else to go deeper in their relationship with the Lord is to be bare bones about it. It sure helps me!
Monday, September 12, 2011
"Hope" On The Restroom Wall
Praise to God for this wonderful September weather. Praise to him for lovely full moons. All feasts for the eyes. I ask Him to bless this entry and guide me as I communicate these things. Like Paul, I have discovered I am a letter writer. Things are clicking into place. It has been a wonderful experience.
Saturday was an interesting day. I was discouraged. I found myself quiet on a lovely Saturday, my mind internally thinking, thinking. Mulling over something. I was out in the sun, catching some rays and vitamin D for the skin to soak in, staining a deck. My friend approached me about this silence. And finally I decided to spill the beans. I am under attack. Obviously, as a new believer, I have some who do not understand. They are concerned about me and my Facebook posts and quotes. They wonder where I am on Friday nights. They want to blame certain people in my life for all of this. They think this is a phase. They know not what they do, as we learn to say under our breath.
Little do they know that about 10 things have collided at different times at me over the course of 18 months, including a Bible Study at lunch hour at work on Wednesdays. "I Am Second" is such a treat for this hungry soul.
I had said a prayer as I was staining the lone railing of the deck, right before my friend approached me about being so quiet. I asked God to please give me a sign that I was on the right track. I asked Him to help me to understand what is happening to me, as others want to question what I am doing with my faith right now. "The Holy Spirit Is A Gentleman" as my Fairy Godmother at work said once when I asked her how you know if you are being appropriate with your Holy Spirit inspired actions. I took comfort in her words (Denise). Now I know if I am worshiping, throwing my net out there for future believers or leading music in a worship team someday, that the Holy Spirit will not allow me to "over do it". As long as you continue to ask the Spirit to guide you, minute by minute.
The day continued and it did improve after I shared my bruised heart to my friend. He supported me. He always does. We had a nice meal with our friend Dean and I went home for the evening.
Little did I know the Lord would again treat me with a dream that he orchestrated. And as I have said in a previous blog, the Holy Spirit conversations are in bits and pieces and puzzles to be solved later.
My dream consisted of the word "Hope". It was planted in my dream about 3-4 times. I was public speaking to a couple of different groups in different settings and my topic was "Hope". Obviously, I was evangelizing and I had an audience and they were listening. It was a great rehearsal for things yet to come for me.
I woke up and wrote down my dream. I headed to church, a little flustered because I need to pack the car for the day and didn't want to forget anything for the busy day. I couldn't get the high chair for Kinnley to fold. Joe came before church and helped with that.
Got to church on time! Got settled in, anxious for great music and discussion. There was a 9-11-01 short program. I was not wanting to deal with that and had avoided all television and newspaper exposure the prior week. But, I got a nice dose of it and needed to in remembrance. It was perfect, with hope and of course, God's promise of being ever faithful to us!
Then, I reminded my friend of the word "Hope" and my dream. And we had one song that mentioned that. I smiled at him. I think I said "Here we go".
Now, it begins..........one of the readings mentioned is Romans 8:24-25. The word "Hope" is mentioned four times.
The service was great. We sang Amazing Grace and some of those lyrics are so close to my heart right now. "Was blind, but now I see"....."How precious did that grace appear, the hour I first believed". Again, a previous blog I mentioned funeral songs and how painful they were for me until this spring. And we also sang How Great Thou Art. A total new meaning to me now. Now, my tears are not of pain and anguish and guilt and suffering. They are cleansing tears, relief tears. Good tears. Tears of hope. And the Lord has opened my eyes and tuned in my ears. It is simply mystifying that this Lutheran turned Catholic girl is now a born-again. I am one of "those" people that some people run from. And I used to run from them as well.
Again the "Hope Marathon" continues.
We walk out of church and I tell my friend we need to go outside. I tell him about those lyrics and how they speak to me and these lyricists (John Newton for Amazing Grace) can only be born-agains to understand this total conversion that takes you from thinking you "got it" to knowing you "got it" to a point that you appear to be a nut case.
I cry. I cry good tears. I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I have never went to the restroom at Prairie Lakes after one and 3/4 years. Can you believe that for a lady that has three children and drinks too much coffee and is in her 40's?
And there plastered on the wall as I open up the restroom door is the word "HOPE". I just laughed. God has sent His sign to me. It was a positive sign. He is saying to keep going. To keep being obedient and do as told. And He has a sense of humor. He is such a great daddy! I love Him so. And then my mood completely lifted and my spirit began to soar as I knew I had a great day ahead of my granddaughter's first birthday and my son's first football game of the season, on a lovely September day.
And my devotional today has the word "Hope". Lloyd John Ogilive mentions it today. "Our hope is not that we can be adequate enough to deserve His love, but rather that He has chosen to be our God.".
Praise to the Lord for these wonderful coincidences. He has shown me more than enough times that He is here and His Word is alive and active in my life. Amen.
Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
Genesis 9:16-17 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.
Saturday was an interesting day. I was discouraged. I found myself quiet on a lovely Saturday, my mind internally thinking, thinking. Mulling over something. I was out in the sun, catching some rays and vitamin D for the skin to soak in, staining a deck. My friend approached me about this silence. And finally I decided to spill the beans. I am under attack. Obviously, as a new believer, I have some who do not understand. They are concerned about me and my Facebook posts and quotes. They wonder where I am on Friday nights. They want to blame certain people in my life for all of this. They think this is a phase. They know not what they do, as we learn to say under our breath.
Little do they know that about 10 things have collided at different times at me over the course of 18 months, including a Bible Study at lunch hour at work on Wednesdays. "I Am Second" is such a treat for this hungry soul.
I had said a prayer as I was staining the lone railing of the deck, right before my friend approached me about being so quiet. I asked God to please give me a sign that I was on the right track. I asked Him to help me to understand what is happening to me, as others want to question what I am doing with my faith right now. "The Holy Spirit Is A Gentleman" as my Fairy Godmother at work said once when I asked her how you know if you are being appropriate with your Holy Spirit inspired actions. I took comfort in her words (Denise). Now I know if I am worshiping, throwing my net out there for future believers or leading music in a worship team someday, that the Holy Spirit will not allow me to "over do it". As long as you continue to ask the Spirit to guide you, minute by minute.
The day continued and it did improve after I shared my bruised heart to my friend. He supported me. He always does. We had a nice meal with our friend Dean and I went home for the evening.
Little did I know the Lord would again treat me with a dream that he orchestrated. And as I have said in a previous blog, the Holy Spirit conversations are in bits and pieces and puzzles to be solved later.
My dream consisted of the word "Hope". It was planted in my dream about 3-4 times. I was public speaking to a couple of different groups in different settings and my topic was "Hope". Obviously, I was evangelizing and I had an audience and they were listening. It was a great rehearsal for things yet to come for me.
I woke up and wrote down my dream. I headed to church, a little flustered because I need to pack the car for the day and didn't want to forget anything for the busy day. I couldn't get the high chair for Kinnley to fold. Joe came before church and helped with that.
Got to church on time! Got settled in, anxious for great music and discussion. There was a 9-11-01 short program. I was not wanting to deal with that and had avoided all television and newspaper exposure the prior week. But, I got a nice dose of it and needed to in remembrance. It was perfect, with hope and of course, God's promise of being ever faithful to us!
Then, I reminded my friend of the word "Hope" and my dream. And we had one song that mentioned that. I smiled at him. I think I said "Here we go".
Now, it begins..........one of the readings mentioned is Romans 8:24-25. The word "Hope" is mentioned four times.
The service was great. We sang Amazing Grace and some of those lyrics are so close to my heart right now. "Was blind, but now I see"....."How precious did that grace appear, the hour I first believed". Again, a previous blog I mentioned funeral songs and how painful they were for me until this spring. And we also sang How Great Thou Art. A total new meaning to me now. Now, my tears are not of pain and anguish and guilt and suffering. They are cleansing tears, relief tears. Good tears. Tears of hope. And the Lord has opened my eyes and tuned in my ears. It is simply mystifying that this Lutheran turned Catholic girl is now a born-again. I am one of "those" people that some people run from. And I used to run from them as well.
Again the "Hope Marathon" continues.
We walk out of church and I tell my friend we need to go outside. I tell him about those lyrics and how they speak to me and these lyricists (John Newton for Amazing Grace) can only be born-agains to understand this total conversion that takes you from thinking you "got it" to knowing you "got it" to a point that you appear to be a nut case.
I cry. I cry good tears. I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I have never went to the restroom at Prairie Lakes after one and 3/4 years. Can you believe that for a lady that has three children and drinks too much coffee and is in her 40's?
And there plastered on the wall as I open up the restroom door is the word "HOPE". I just laughed. God has sent His sign to me. It was a positive sign. He is saying to keep going. To keep being obedient and do as told. And He has a sense of humor. He is such a great daddy! I love Him so. And then my mood completely lifted and my spirit began to soar as I knew I had a great day ahead of my granddaughter's first birthday and my son's first football game of the season, on a lovely September day.
And my devotional today has the word "Hope". Lloyd John Ogilive mentions it today. "Our hope is not that we can be adequate enough to deserve His love, but rather that He has chosen to be our God.".
Praise to the Lord for these wonderful coincidences. He has shown me more than enough times that He is here and His Word is alive and active in my life. Amen.
Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?
Genesis 9:16-17 Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Psalm 49:4 Answers to God's Riddle
Praise to you and I hope this blog today will assist you to go deeper with me in our journey of growth towards the awesome light that our Savior asks us (not forces us) to walk in. Praise to our Lord!
God's Riddle: I encountered this Psalm recently and I hope my interpretation is somewhat accurate. I will find out through the years now that I am so excited to read the Word of God. I found comfort in this. I think all of the answers to life's riddles are in this Book. What a relief! It's been here all along for me. I have picked it up, read it for years and followed the rule in our home growing up to respect it and never throw it, slam it or abuse it. Mom was really insistent about that. I have written in it over the years, highlighted in it, turned back pages, put roses from funerals in it. My tears have probably dropped on to its pages as well. I still have my white Bible from childhood. I should take some time and see what is in there from my younger years in faith. I had a Catholic Bible from 1997 until this year. It was worn out. I did dispose of it because it was worn out and also because the Life Application Study Bible is so much more helpful for me. I now have one of these at home and one at work. It just love it.
My goal with this blog is not just to have current believers (Holy Spirit covered believers) find some nourishment, but I hope that someone that reads it will be a someone like I was prior to my conversion which has been happening since January 2010. And still occurring. (Lifetime growth plan now. I am so happy to be here!)
I truly want someone to read this that has not had the Bible come to life for them personally to know that it can happen and it will happen and change their life. I am currently reading Live Like A Jesus Freak, Joe's copy, and it is an easy read and great for me right where I am at. I am hungry for this kind of food for me, having been filled with Satan and the world's lies my entire life. I absolutely was a fool and let that happen, but now I am on to this earthly plan that doesn't allow us to grow as believers or allow us to spread His wonderful message. It has us believing TV lies, song lyric lies, commercialism, etc. One section out of the book and also a message I have heard from other believers I am around now confirm this: "When you become a Jesus Freak you may have discovered an uncanny new attraction to the Word of God that seemed to come out of nowhere. Why? The Amplified Bible calls the Bible a "God-Breathed" book (2 Timothy 3:16). That means it's way different from any other book you'll ever read. The Bible is alive. Once your spirit is made "alive" to Christ, it's as if you pick up the same wavelength, because the same Spirit who wrote the Bible is living in you!"
Amen! I am so thankful this Book has come to life for me. And if you are reading this and it has not come to life for you, you can change that. I am not an expert at this, but I can say that you will need to find a way to get reading this Book regularly and in a different way than you have in the past. I can confirm that I was quite the Bible reader in my life and it never spoke to me. I was being a Pharisee and doing it out of duty. I was controlling the situation. I really had to lay it down with the Lord and even now, I will need to be very active in this relationship with Him for the rest of my life. And it is Glorious and Good. Start asking questions of believers on the truth of this. I was myself, surrounded my entire life my a circle of people that never talked of "religion" in a way that clicked with me. Then I found out you need to be authentic, revealing, chance-taking for our Lord, prayerful, repenting, love like Jesus, and worship and not hide your love for Him. Again, the Holy Spirit keeps whispering to me "He is a jealous God".
As a child, I attended a Lutheran church every Sunday. I attended Sunday school every Sunday. And Wednesdays was religious education night as we got older. Our pastor all of these 18 years was a fire and brimstone preacher. He was very loud. He didn't scare me. My mom loved him. He married four of us five girls. I never could look him in the eye out of respect, not necessarily fear. I did enjoy him and absolutely respected him and what he had to say. He was very gifted.
I memorized plenty in this religious education. We had to. My sister and I were Jr. Choir members. That was fun. We learned a lot of gospel type songs. The pastor's kids were friends with my sister and I. Mom and dad were pretty close to this pastor and his wife. They came over for supper and I remember mom wanting us to respect their privacy when they came over. I became a "blood sister" with his youngest daughter. It was her idea to cut our fingers (just a little) and then she instructed me to touch her blood to hers and then we buried a note in a jar in the yard about this eternal friendship. Cool! I never heard of such a thing and she was the pastor's daughter. Seemed a little like a secret. Now I Googled it and it looks like a form of witchcraft. Thanks alot! I just did a previous blog about such things. Now I realize I was hoodwinked again!
Anyhow, I'll talk to the Lord about that additional item.
I do want to also mention to anyone out there that is just not sure if they have this Holy Spirit relationship is to seek out some great books. Hinds Feet On High Places is so helpful. The Shack is a good starter also. But, balance your free reading with Bible reading. And be mindful of what you read outside of the Bible.
Be aware that the Holy Spirit has been probably trying to awaken you! Ask the Lord to help you listen. I finally found a way personally to sum it up in my words of this: I think the Holy Spirit talks to me, personally, in sometimes partial sentences, like a riddle. Sometimes it is over the course of hours or days. But, sometimes it is very direct. An entire sentence. It isn't audible. It is a knowing. And sometimes, for me it is in dreams. And it is so evident where this is coming from. I feel so honored that He, wants to visit with me!! I am so glad to be his trusted and disciplined daughter! Yes, you may say that is just our conscience. I think we have both. But, more and more as I am growing in Christ, I am certain without all doubt that He is speaking to me through the Holy Spirit. And most born-agains and "fortunate to have been always founded in Christ believers" will say this same thing.
As you read Acts, you will see we have strayed so far from what was meant to be in regards to worship and evangelism. We just want to, naturally in this cruel world, huddle up at home and be safe and love the Lord there and at church once or twice a week. But, that is the world talking to you, turning this entire experience that you may be missing into what Satan wants you to do.
I am out to solve this riddle. It is exciting. It is scary. I don't know what He wants me to do next. I know he is speaking to me about my music and that he wants me to use that to glorify Him. I am waiting on that because He tells me to "Be Still" with that. I have my tools and the most important without a doubt is the Book Of Life. They are no longer silly Bible stories that were from "back then and those things don't happen in life now". Or "That is just a story or parable. It didn't really happen". They were just stories to me. I couldn't connect the "story" to my life. Now, as I read the Bible, those stories and exactly about what is happening all around me. Noah's story is real. Jonah's story is real. These were believers who followed and listened to the Holy Spirit to the point that society thought them to be insane. I can now relate most everything I read in the Bible to exact circumstances in my little boring life. And if we think about it, we need to follow His requests. Are we ready to follow? Lord, give me strength to walk Your walk. And deflect society to do Your will. That is certainly scary. I am starting with these baby steps. But the firmer my faith, the more He expects of me.
Amen. It is so! Let these words please Lord only be a reflection of all that is good in Your sight.
Psalm 49:4 I will turn my ear to a proverb; with the harp I will expound my riddle.
Isaiah 2:22 Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?
God's Riddle: I encountered this Psalm recently and I hope my interpretation is somewhat accurate. I will find out through the years now that I am so excited to read the Word of God. I found comfort in this. I think all of the answers to life's riddles are in this Book. What a relief! It's been here all along for me. I have picked it up, read it for years and followed the rule in our home growing up to respect it and never throw it, slam it or abuse it. Mom was really insistent about that. I have written in it over the years, highlighted in it, turned back pages, put roses from funerals in it. My tears have probably dropped on to its pages as well. I still have my white Bible from childhood. I should take some time and see what is in there from my younger years in faith. I had a Catholic Bible from 1997 until this year. It was worn out. I did dispose of it because it was worn out and also because the Life Application Study Bible is so much more helpful for me. I now have one of these at home and one at work. It just love it.
My goal with this blog is not just to have current believers (Holy Spirit covered believers) find some nourishment, but I hope that someone that reads it will be a someone like I was prior to my conversion which has been happening since January 2010. And still occurring. (Lifetime growth plan now. I am so happy to be here!)
I truly want someone to read this that has not had the Bible come to life for them personally to know that it can happen and it will happen and change their life. I am currently reading Live Like A Jesus Freak, Joe's copy, and it is an easy read and great for me right where I am at. I am hungry for this kind of food for me, having been filled with Satan and the world's lies my entire life. I absolutely was a fool and let that happen, but now I am on to this earthly plan that doesn't allow us to grow as believers or allow us to spread His wonderful message. It has us believing TV lies, song lyric lies, commercialism, etc. One section out of the book and also a message I have heard from other believers I am around now confirm this: "When you become a Jesus Freak you may have discovered an uncanny new attraction to the Word of God that seemed to come out of nowhere. Why? The Amplified Bible calls the Bible a "God-Breathed" book (2 Timothy 3:16). That means it's way different from any other book you'll ever read. The Bible is alive. Once your spirit is made "alive" to Christ, it's as if you pick up the same wavelength, because the same Spirit who wrote the Bible is living in you!"
Amen! I am so thankful this Book has come to life for me. And if you are reading this and it has not come to life for you, you can change that. I am not an expert at this, but I can say that you will need to find a way to get reading this Book regularly and in a different way than you have in the past. I can confirm that I was quite the Bible reader in my life and it never spoke to me. I was being a Pharisee and doing it out of duty. I was controlling the situation. I really had to lay it down with the Lord and even now, I will need to be very active in this relationship with Him for the rest of my life. And it is Glorious and Good. Start asking questions of believers on the truth of this. I was myself, surrounded my entire life my a circle of people that never talked of "religion" in a way that clicked with me. Then I found out you need to be authentic, revealing, chance-taking for our Lord, prayerful, repenting, love like Jesus, and worship and not hide your love for Him. Again, the Holy Spirit keeps whispering to me "He is a jealous God".
As a child, I attended a Lutheran church every Sunday. I attended Sunday school every Sunday. And Wednesdays was religious education night as we got older. Our pastor all of these 18 years was a fire and brimstone preacher. He was very loud. He didn't scare me. My mom loved him. He married four of us five girls. I never could look him in the eye out of respect, not necessarily fear. I did enjoy him and absolutely respected him and what he had to say. He was very gifted.
I memorized plenty in this religious education. We had to. My sister and I were Jr. Choir members. That was fun. We learned a lot of gospel type songs. The pastor's kids were friends with my sister and I. Mom and dad were pretty close to this pastor and his wife. They came over for supper and I remember mom wanting us to respect their privacy when they came over. I became a "blood sister" with his youngest daughter. It was her idea to cut our fingers (just a little) and then she instructed me to touch her blood to hers and then we buried a note in a jar in the yard about this eternal friendship. Cool! I never heard of such a thing and she was the pastor's daughter. Seemed a little like a secret. Now I Googled it and it looks like a form of witchcraft. Thanks alot! I just did a previous blog about such things. Now I realize I was hoodwinked again!
Anyhow, I'll talk to the Lord about that additional item.
I do want to also mention to anyone out there that is just not sure if they have this Holy Spirit relationship is to seek out some great books. Hinds Feet On High Places is so helpful. The Shack is a good starter also. But, balance your free reading with Bible reading. And be mindful of what you read outside of the Bible.
Be aware that the Holy Spirit has been probably trying to awaken you! Ask the Lord to help you listen. I finally found a way personally to sum it up in my words of this: I think the Holy Spirit talks to me, personally, in sometimes partial sentences, like a riddle. Sometimes it is over the course of hours or days. But, sometimes it is very direct. An entire sentence. It isn't audible. It is a knowing. And sometimes, for me it is in dreams. And it is so evident where this is coming from. I feel so honored that He, wants to visit with me!! I am so glad to be his trusted and disciplined daughter! Yes, you may say that is just our conscience. I think we have both. But, more and more as I am growing in Christ, I am certain without all doubt that He is speaking to me through the Holy Spirit. And most born-agains and "fortunate to have been always founded in Christ believers" will say this same thing.
As you read Acts, you will see we have strayed so far from what was meant to be in regards to worship and evangelism. We just want to, naturally in this cruel world, huddle up at home and be safe and love the Lord there and at church once or twice a week. But, that is the world talking to you, turning this entire experience that you may be missing into what Satan wants you to do.
I am out to solve this riddle. It is exciting. It is scary. I don't know what He wants me to do next. I know he is speaking to me about my music and that he wants me to use that to glorify Him. I am waiting on that because He tells me to "Be Still" with that. I have my tools and the most important without a doubt is the Book Of Life. They are no longer silly Bible stories that were from "back then and those things don't happen in life now". Or "That is just a story or parable. It didn't really happen". They were just stories to me. I couldn't connect the "story" to my life. Now, as I read the Bible, those stories and exactly about what is happening all around me. Noah's story is real. Jonah's story is real. These were believers who followed and listened to the Holy Spirit to the point that society thought them to be insane. I can now relate most everything I read in the Bible to exact circumstances in my little boring life. And if we think about it, we need to follow His requests. Are we ready to follow? Lord, give me strength to walk Your walk. And deflect society to do Your will. That is certainly scary. I am starting with these baby steps. But the firmer my faith, the more He expects of me.
Amen. It is so! Let these words please Lord only be a reflection of all that is good in Your sight.
Psalm 49:4 I will turn my ear to a proverb; with the harp I will expound my riddle.
Isaiah 2:22 Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
The hyperthymic writer I am....all in the name of Jesus our Lord
I started my journal and devotions for the New Year 2011. Joe bought me a very nice Life Applications Study Bible and a Lloyd John Ogilvie Daily Devotional. I was gearing up for this. I was a little uncomfortable with the nice leather Bible case with handles that looked like a purse. So, I asked Joe to return that to Family Christian Book Store. I was still a little uncomfortable with carrying a Bible to church. I had a little ways to go yet. I wasn't always cool with having KNWS on either. It depended on things.
I journal at work as I read the Bible and do the devotion. I do this before many people arrive. I do actually take a lunch break these days since disciplining myself to this new habit. It has certainly been a healthy choice for me.
I unfortunately shredded four months of wonderful journals I did at my desk at work. I would do my routine, write out my praise and petitions and also just write and see what happened. Then, I would fold the paper and staple it with the writing on the inside. And put it in the confidential shred bin. I now have no evidence of the miracles that were happening from January to April. But, that's ok.
I began to journal in a nice notebook and keep it beginning on April 4, 2011. (I love to look through these journals!). Nothing exceptional happened until April 14, 2011. That day I began to highlight in blue any revelations or significant events. That was my first day to highlight in blue. Denise's dad passed away unexpectedly. In an earlier blog, I spell out that day and the significance it had in my faith journey.
And then, May 3rd I met with a old girlfriend for lunch. And that certainly was significant because we cried at the OP. We both were so moved by our faith and we connected in that way. We found each other to confide and trust in. We had never opened up to each other about our faith all of these years. We both were on fire for Christ at the same time in our lives.
Not a lot of blue highlighting until May 19. One of my sisters hugs me for the first time, and apologizes. Then, she texts on May 20 "Thanks for the push" and "I love you". The push was for her to try to resolve some childhood pain. She was going to do some work on finding peace.
And then things get crazy. From June 6 on, there is blue highlighting all over the place. Two other women and I connect in depth on the same date and discuss our faith, all somewhat random in how we entwined on this date. June 7: I note that "The negative self talk is disappearing". (Entire life of negative self talk in my head). June 9: I note "A very peaceful, anxious-free feeling has entered by body the last two days". June 14: "I am tearful everyday in this new state of awareness. I am thankful for that, Lord. I am so humbled in your presence now".
You can imagine that from June on, it has been alot of activity. Holy Spirit activity. And I am obsessed with writing it all down. It is important and it isn't about me. It is so significant that I need to share it. And this blog is such an awesome tool for me. I don't know who reads this, or when they will read it. This weekend I plan on printing all of my blogs and putting them in the safe or lock box. It will be great for my kids to read them someday. It is nearly impossible to convey all of this in conversations. The doorbell rings, the Panera lady on the microphone is blurting out that a latte is ready, the dog barks, the conversation turns, the point is missed. And there goes another day in our lives that we didn't get to the meat of the matter. And another year and then we never got to it.
I know that the Holy Spirit whispered to me beginning in approximately 2006 that "You have so much work to do". I kept hearing or "knowing" this. I didn't know what that meant. I didn't recognize that as the Holy Spirit. I guess I was in my late 30's and my mom and dad had died very young from cancers so I had a bucket list. I watched that movie also back then. I was running here and there. I jumped off of Indian Joe at Delhi when I was 39, wanted to do that before I hit 40. I went to Vegas 3 times. Didn't sleep much there. But, I took all of that architecture in. (I love to marvel at buildings and design). I loved the water fountain at Bellagio. I cried when they do the water show at night to my old standard songs, especially Frank Sinatra. I went on a cruise and saw the Caribbean ocean (oh my!). And ran around New Orleans. What a crazy town. I loved it. Small doses though. I got a piano job at a fancy restaurant and sat in the window and played piano there for the diners. One man and his wife and family gave me a $20.00 tip. I got invited and watched fireworks from the top of their restaurant. They were Bosnians, now American citizens, and I got to see them celebrate their freedom and love for the U.S. on the 4th of July. That was fantastic. To see them celebrate the 4th like we don't know how to.
So, yes, the Holy Spirit didn't mean for me exactly to get all of this done. He meant for me to grow my faith and answer his call. And boy did it take a while.
The only HS whisper I can't figure out is the reoccuring one that comes into my being often and has been since approximately April. He keeps saying "Two Years". I am not too worried about what that means. I try to look at it as a positive thing. Everytime it is planted on my heart by him, I write it down and date it. It could mean two years of very rapid spiritual growth. It could mean that he is preparing me for something in two years. Regardless, I am the Lord's and I am, for the first time in my life, not afraid to die. It is such a relief. And that, my friends, has just washed over me since July! June and July 2011. A summer to remember. And I am just beginning.
1 John 2:20-21 But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth.
Colossians 3:1-4 Since, then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
I journal at work as I read the Bible and do the devotion. I do this before many people arrive. I do actually take a lunch break these days since disciplining myself to this new habit. It has certainly been a healthy choice for me.
I unfortunately shredded four months of wonderful journals I did at my desk at work. I would do my routine, write out my praise and petitions and also just write and see what happened. Then, I would fold the paper and staple it with the writing on the inside. And put it in the confidential shred bin. I now have no evidence of the miracles that were happening from January to April. But, that's ok.
I began to journal in a nice notebook and keep it beginning on April 4, 2011. (I love to look through these journals!). Nothing exceptional happened until April 14, 2011. That day I began to highlight in blue any revelations or significant events. That was my first day to highlight in blue. Denise's dad passed away unexpectedly. In an earlier blog, I spell out that day and the significance it had in my faith journey.
And then, May 3rd I met with a old girlfriend for lunch. And that certainly was significant because we cried at the OP. We both were so moved by our faith and we connected in that way. We found each other to confide and trust in. We had never opened up to each other about our faith all of these years. We both were on fire for Christ at the same time in our lives.
Not a lot of blue highlighting until May 19. One of my sisters hugs me for the first time, and apologizes. Then, she texts on May 20 "Thanks for the push" and "I love you". The push was for her to try to resolve some childhood pain. She was going to do some work on finding peace.
And then things get crazy. From June 6 on, there is blue highlighting all over the place. Two other women and I connect in depth on the same date and discuss our faith, all somewhat random in how we entwined on this date. June 7: I note that "The negative self talk is disappearing". (Entire life of negative self talk in my head). June 9: I note "A very peaceful, anxious-free feeling has entered by body the last two days". June 14: "I am tearful everyday in this new state of awareness. I am thankful for that, Lord. I am so humbled in your presence now".
You can imagine that from June on, it has been alot of activity. Holy Spirit activity. And I am obsessed with writing it all down. It is important and it isn't about me. It is so significant that I need to share it. And this blog is such an awesome tool for me. I don't know who reads this, or when they will read it. This weekend I plan on printing all of my blogs and putting them in the safe or lock box. It will be great for my kids to read them someday. It is nearly impossible to convey all of this in conversations. The doorbell rings, the Panera lady on the microphone is blurting out that a latte is ready, the dog barks, the conversation turns, the point is missed. And there goes another day in our lives that we didn't get to the meat of the matter. And another year and then we never got to it.
I know that the Holy Spirit whispered to me beginning in approximately 2006 that "You have so much work to do". I kept hearing or "knowing" this. I didn't know what that meant. I didn't recognize that as the Holy Spirit. I guess I was in my late 30's and my mom and dad had died very young from cancers so I had a bucket list. I watched that movie also back then. I was running here and there. I jumped off of Indian Joe at Delhi when I was 39, wanted to do that before I hit 40. I went to Vegas 3 times. Didn't sleep much there. But, I took all of that architecture in. (I love to marvel at buildings and design). I loved the water fountain at Bellagio. I cried when they do the water show at night to my old standard songs, especially Frank Sinatra. I went on a cruise and saw the Caribbean ocean (oh my!). And ran around New Orleans. What a crazy town. I loved it. Small doses though. I got a piano job at a fancy restaurant and sat in the window and played piano there for the diners. One man and his wife and family gave me a $20.00 tip. I got invited and watched fireworks from the top of their restaurant. They were Bosnians, now American citizens, and I got to see them celebrate their freedom and love for the U.S. on the 4th of July. That was fantastic. To see them celebrate the 4th like we don't know how to.
So, yes, the Holy Spirit didn't mean for me exactly to get all of this done. He meant for me to grow my faith and answer his call. And boy did it take a while.
The only HS whisper I can't figure out is the reoccuring one that comes into my being often and has been since approximately April. He keeps saying "Two Years". I am not too worried about what that means. I try to look at it as a positive thing. Everytime it is planted on my heart by him, I write it down and date it. It could mean two years of very rapid spiritual growth. It could mean that he is preparing me for something in two years. Regardless, I am the Lord's and I am, for the first time in my life, not afraid to die. It is such a relief. And that, my friends, has just washed over me since July! June and July 2011. A summer to remember. And I am just beginning.
1 John 2:20-21 But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth.
Colossians 3:1-4 Since, then you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Praying earnestly. And His sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
My sister and I had a conversation recently about "blood tears". We both talked about our grieving for different things in our life. We talked about the fact that we both had cried so hard at times that we only imagined that the next step in our bodies would be for the tears to run out and blood take its place. Seriously.
I went through the Gospels, looking through the passages regarding Jesus agonizing in the Garden for this reference. I knew it mentioned either blood tears or blood sweat. I found blood sweat.
It is so very hard to read these passages. When I read or have been read portions of his journey to the cross, it pains me to read especially "they struck his head with reeds". That statement is horrifying. Humiliating.
I have had a few conversations lately about grieving and that I know God hears our cries. Even if our cries are about divorce. Obviously he mentions grieving widows but I know he realizes the other cries. Of the abandoned, the divorced, the separated, the HIV positive, the physically abused, women who survived abortion, and the mentally ill. These ones come to mind.
What does your circle look like? Do you associate with your close and distant relatives, the ones that might be homosexual or addicted to something? Your neighbors, do they repel you to the point you have put the wall up? What's going on at their house? Do you just talk about it, but don't pray for an opportunity to make eye contact so maybe a 'hello" can come out and lead you somewhere positive? The ones that don't go to church? The unloved and difficult to love? The needy ones? Is your circle like a "private" church, the kind of church that many of us eventually ran away from? (like it was on fire, once we realized how damaging these types of churches are to our faith journey)
Yes, we need to be careful who we spend time with and who we expose ourselves to. I personally have to be extra cautious. I don't have a firm foundation of faith yet. I am an infant in my new faith and intimate relationship with Jesus (Praise you God for filling me with the Holy Spirit!!) But, if you were born into a faith filled family, if you have a rock solid base, but you are not associating with all of your relatives, just the "ones like you", I just don't know how I feel about that. Aren't we all guilty of driving away from a family wedding and funeral and talk about "those relatives"? EEKkk. Lord help me. I am so guilty. I need to work harder on this.
What would a conversation look like if it would just get started? What if you decided to start somewhere and pray that you could open a door to that conversation? And imagine what you could learn if you would remove some of these layers of opinion of yours and find out what is inside of there? That person could actually change your life. I can attest to that. I have personally learned so much the last 8 months about myself, just because I took a chance (after much prayer), and found my way into someones heart that was tossed aside by much of society. And I didn't imagine that I would find out more about me than about that person. I am so much closer to the Lord because I let go of ME and just sat and listened to this person and learned to love a new way. Isn't it way too easy to love our kids and spouses and grand kids? Is that really a challenge at all? And yes, they love us back almost predictably. Just like in work or play, we keep practicing the things that are already easy. We gravitate towards what we are successful at. We ignore what needs our attention.
I know my tears now are different. There will be no blood. These are cleansing tears. These are relief tears, feeling my former sin tears, tears for others who may have missed the constant calling of the Holy Spirit and tears of just sheer joy that I found a Father who loves me unconditionally, but demands I obey and keep a constant communication with him. He has told me plain and simple "Melissa, I am a jealous God". I heard him.
Along with a different kind of tear for this Missy, I also have a completely different prayer! My daily devotional (Monday through Friday at my desk at work works best for me) includes Bible reading, prayers of praise and finally..........petitions. Not petitions first. Not just petitions. I didn't know how to pray before. I prayed mostly for help. I told a loved one recently that truly we should include just as much praise for our Father as petitions. And truly, I can tell you I have probably more praise as I practice this new habit. And my petitions, well I really think about those. But, I am specific and earnest about them. I almost at times feel embarrassed that I should ask for anything. I praise him for having more than enough most days. And I praise him so many days for "A call to worship and the Word". Amen!!
Yes, I still have my rosary. And yes, I think it is an effective prayer tool for some. I took it to bed many, many nights when I lived in my Jesup home from 2005-2010 and prayed with near blood tears. I fell asleep with it in my hands. I begged the Lord for help . I didn't realize that he started really working in me with a turning of positive events for me beginning in November 2007. And my life has absolutely evolved into many, many blessings since then. Some of them I didn't realize were blessings. And one of those blessings is that I can actually attend a church, hold my head up high and not leave early crying! My poor kids. I don't know how this affected them, but I guess I need to circle back to this discussion about why we had to sit in the back and leave early and not talk to mom because she is crying at church again.
I will tell you this: I can never compare my earthly pains to Christ's dying on the cross for mankind. I simply want to say that it is inexpressible to imagine that he can feel all of my pain, understand and forgive it. And do it because he loves us creations of his.
I also know I have so far to go in human relationships. I certainly struggle in this area. I have suffered because I do not excel in this area. I have had success with my career, my playing of the piano, my cooking, my money management and my developing as a mother.
Praise to Lord Jesus Christ, who I put above and before all things.
Luke 22: 42-44 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Luke 8:47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.
Psalm 56:5 Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll--are they not in your record?
I went through the Gospels, looking through the passages regarding Jesus agonizing in the Garden for this reference. I knew it mentioned either blood tears or blood sweat. I found blood sweat.
It is so very hard to read these passages. When I read or have been read portions of his journey to the cross, it pains me to read especially "they struck his head with reeds". That statement is horrifying. Humiliating.
I have had a few conversations lately about grieving and that I know God hears our cries. Even if our cries are about divorce. Obviously he mentions grieving widows but I know he realizes the other cries. Of the abandoned, the divorced, the separated, the HIV positive, the physically abused, women who survived abortion, and the mentally ill. These ones come to mind.
What does your circle look like? Do you associate with your close and distant relatives, the ones that might be homosexual or addicted to something? Your neighbors, do they repel you to the point you have put the wall up? What's going on at their house? Do you just talk about it, but don't pray for an opportunity to make eye contact so maybe a 'hello" can come out and lead you somewhere positive? The ones that don't go to church? The unloved and difficult to love? The needy ones? Is your circle like a "private" church, the kind of church that many of us eventually ran away from? (like it was on fire, once we realized how damaging these types of churches are to our faith journey)
Yes, we need to be careful who we spend time with and who we expose ourselves to. I personally have to be extra cautious. I don't have a firm foundation of faith yet. I am an infant in my new faith and intimate relationship with Jesus (Praise you God for filling me with the Holy Spirit!!) But, if you were born into a faith filled family, if you have a rock solid base, but you are not associating with all of your relatives, just the "ones like you", I just don't know how I feel about that. Aren't we all guilty of driving away from a family wedding and funeral and talk about "those relatives"? EEKkk. Lord help me. I am so guilty. I need to work harder on this.
What would a conversation look like if it would just get started? What if you decided to start somewhere and pray that you could open a door to that conversation? And imagine what you could learn if you would remove some of these layers of opinion of yours and find out what is inside of there? That person could actually change your life. I can attest to that. I have personally learned so much the last 8 months about myself, just because I took a chance (after much prayer), and found my way into someones heart that was tossed aside by much of society. And I didn't imagine that I would find out more about me than about that person. I am so much closer to the Lord because I let go of ME and just sat and listened to this person and learned to love a new way. Isn't it way too easy to love our kids and spouses and grand kids? Is that really a challenge at all? And yes, they love us back almost predictably. Just like in work or play, we keep practicing the things that are already easy. We gravitate towards what we are successful at. We ignore what needs our attention.
I know my tears now are different. There will be no blood. These are cleansing tears. These are relief tears, feeling my former sin tears, tears for others who may have missed the constant calling of the Holy Spirit and tears of just sheer joy that I found a Father who loves me unconditionally, but demands I obey and keep a constant communication with him. He has told me plain and simple "Melissa, I am a jealous God". I heard him.
Along with a different kind of tear for this Missy, I also have a completely different prayer! My daily devotional (Monday through Friday at my desk at work works best for me) includes Bible reading, prayers of praise and finally..........petitions. Not petitions first. Not just petitions. I didn't know how to pray before. I prayed mostly for help. I told a loved one recently that truly we should include just as much praise for our Father as petitions. And truly, I can tell you I have probably more praise as I practice this new habit. And my petitions, well I really think about those. But, I am specific and earnest about them. I almost at times feel embarrassed that I should ask for anything. I praise him for having more than enough most days. And I praise him so many days for "A call to worship and the Word". Amen!!
Yes, I still have my rosary. And yes, I think it is an effective prayer tool for some. I took it to bed many, many nights when I lived in my Jesup home from 2005-2010 and prayed with near blood tears. I fell asleep with it in my hands. I begged the Lord for help . I didn't realize that he started really working in me with a turning of positive events for me beginning in November 2007. And my life has absolutely evolved into many, many blessings since then. Some of them I didn't realize were blessings. And one of those blessings is that I can actually attend a church, hold my head up high and not leave early crying! My poor kids. I don't know how this affected them, but I guess I need to circle back to this discussion about why we had to sit in the back and leave early and not talk to mom because she is crying at church again.
I will tell you this: I can never compare my earthly pains to Christ's dying on the cross for mankind. I simply want to say that it is inexpressible to imagine that he can feel all of my pain, understand and forgive it. And do it because he loves us creations of his.
I also know I have so far to go in human relationships. I certainly struggle in this area. I have suffered because I do not excel in this area. I have had success with my career, my playing of the piano, my cooking, my money management and my developing as a mother.
Praise to Lord Jesus Christ, who I put above and before all things.
Luke 22: 42-44 Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Luke 8:47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.
Psalm 56:5 Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll--are they not in your record?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Remember Not The Sins Of My Youth...South Carolina Style.
Opening with a petition that this message will come to you with joy and peace and an overall feeling of well-being as I share authentic things about myself. I am driven to type and write these last 9 months, so I am doing as told by my "Holy Spirit Driver" as I call him. He truly has instructed me to write and write it often and keep writing. And do it now, not later.
The only Biblical thing my dad shared with me, an actual passage from the Bible, is Psalm 25. I know he read the Bible. He and mom did and didn't talk about it or share what they read. Mom read more than dad. They were Christians and practicing Lutherans. But there just wasn't an openess about it. I started reading the Bible at age 10. I read alot of the New Testament. Old Testament reading was slower going. I loved to read to learn, reading the newspaper starting before age 10. I used to look up from the newspaper and notice mom and dad looking at me like it wasn't exactly normal to be trying to read, front to back, a newspaper. Like most adventurous young pups, we dived into Revelations, King James Version, without direction and explanation on all of that science fiction type material. It was like watching the TV show In Search Of, with mystery and some spookiness to it.
Dad and Mom moved to South Carolina in April 1987. I was just 19 years old and had a one month old baby. The economy was rough, and had been for a few years already. Dad had been laid off from Deeres now three years and it was not looking good for a man his age. He had gotten a horticulture degree from Hawkeye Tech during his lay-off, worked at Menards in security and had to make a change. They were scared. So, an old Jesup friend, Walt, who had helped rebuild Hardees in the eighties now was ramping up a meat processing plant on a historic plantation in Hemingway, SC. Walt had come to dad a few other times to ask him to join him in business ventures. This time they went. And they made the decision and left within a couple of weeks. Wow.
While in South Carolina my folks really enjoyed life. They had glorious weather, (minus hurricane Hugo), golf, good work, southern hospitality and each other without distractions. Our visits to them included crabbing, Big Dees BBQ, golf, beach time and long talks in the evening. I played piano for my parents and their friends. That was such a treat.
I had the honor in South Carolina to have my dad quote to me Psalm 25. He stated that the Lord had forgiven the sins of his youth. He didn't elaborate on that. I knew he was a rebellious teenager, but greatly loved and forgiven by his parents. I could sense that he was loved, felt loved by his parents. Why he rebelled, I don't know. I heard some details here and there, but I also heard of other youth in the 40's and 50's that stole trains, skipped school non-stop, smoked at very young ages and had many more fights than our youth seem to see happen on school yards. He didn't provide details and I didn't need to know them.
I am so happy I memorized the name of that Psalm and didn't just let it float by me. Dad didn't say much. And when he did, you listened.
I went on a scavenger hunt of sorts in the last year and a half. I decided I wanted to examine my rebellion as a young person deeper. I wanted to get to the bottom of it because I thought it was important. I found two people I trusted and had gotten to know very well over the past several years. These are women that are very founded in their faith and families. It is evident when you are around them that they have deep roots and don't blow in the breeze type of people. I asked them at a comfortable time if they could tell me if they rebelled as young people, broke rules, etc. They both said no. They were afraid of their parents and didn't want to disappoint their parents. And those two things were enough to keep them from drinking, smoking, break curfew and get boy crazy.
Well, absolutely I was afraid of my parents. But, the disappointment part I don't know. I think I was curious, I was a risk taker, I was creative, I was popular with many of the groups at school. I was the girl that you wouldn't guess would do some of these things. Well, some people saw through me, but I was the pianist and was pretty dedicated to that. And I worked alot. Sometimes three jobs. I loved to make money and keep busy. I was riding my bike for exercise and always doing something to keep in shape, shooting hoops for hours, jogging despite respiratory issues with that. So, it appeared I wasn't the typical trouble finder.
But, yes I found trouble. I can point to all kinds of reasons. It isn't really worth all of that. One thing for sure is that I was trusting of too many people in my life. And ended up in cars (a Fiat) that was going 130 MPH with a drunk driver. And that was just one time that a boy was driving us girls drunk and fast. The Lord was patient with me and didn't take me and sure could have. I put myself in situations with boys and girlfriends and strangers that were not wise. Lord help me understand my foolishness to put myself in such danger over and over.
My punishment for drinking included making me quit the sport I was in. I was the lead scorer for the JV basketball team and I had to quit because I came home drunk. Not because the coach said I had to quit. My parents changed their mind and the coach said I could be the stat keeper. I said forget it. And I never played basketball again. Forget it. I did this again during volleyball season. I was excellent on offense. I could serve that volleyball and scored often for the team. But, I had to quit. And again, I decided never to play volleyball again after that.
I tried this kind of parenting with my oldest, Brittany. I tried out this parenting style on her. But, by the time my boys came, I had gotten some wisdom and wanted to discipline out of love and guidance. And provide a discipleship all along the way. Mentor them. Talk about drinking and why you should not drink. Not because it is a rule, but because it can ruin your life or kill you. And tell them my examples of what it did to take away some of my opportunities and respect for myself and respect from others. I never got that style of parenting corrected with Brittany. She went through all 18 years of my parenting that way. I apologize to her now and often. I try to keep telling her that I just didn't have it down yet. I didn't shed everything that I saw that didn't work when I was growing up. I didn't want to discipline because my child was embarrassing me. Or that I needed to make an example out of them. I was changing this when my boys were growing up. Discipline out of love, love, love.
Luckily I bypassed all drugs growing up. I saw drugs on the school bus. I saw drugs on our school choir trip in the hotel. I saw stoned kids at school after rock concerts, the next morning. Everyone was talking about it and their obvious intoxication. Something inside me said not to do that. And I was glad that voice was audible to me.
I saw kids smoke on school property. In the bathrooms and outside of the front doors, right in view of our main street in Jesup, 6th Street. The teachers smoked in their lounge. I saw older farm boys really disrespect our principals. And I felt fear for those principals. Because those boys were strong, were of legal age to drink, and had bad homes. Those boys had nicknames for the principals. Crow, Cue Ball they called our principals. And right in their presence. Talk about rebellion.
In Junior High one of the girls brought wine into the bathroom. I didn't connect with her much, she actually was mean to me many times throughout Jr. High and High School and even as an adult in my 20's. She wrote me hate letters in Jr. High and passed them around to have even my friends sign. I didn't drink the booze because I wasn't invited the the bathroom party. I walked in and it was happening. And I walked back out. She got caught. And got in trouble. I won't say I was innocent in alcoholic matters in High School. But this was a near hit at me, and I am glad I didn't take a sip. I forgive her. I didn't understand her jealousy to me. This is all a point to show there were so many opportunities in a small bedroom community school to drink, smoke and more.
I see a painting and all of it. I see all of the painting alot of the time. Not parts of it. I am so very receptive to what is going on around me, and have my entire life, that I have all of this stored somewhere. And I pull it out when necessary. It is maddening at times to be so very aware of my surroundings. It is a gift and a curse. The Lord, I believe has instilled this in me as a gift. But, use it wisely. I also am a person of authenticity. I would rather be real and despised, than not be as deep and rich as I am. I would rather ask the tough questions. I make some people very uncomfortable. I bring others joy with my realness.
I would have loved to have had that voice talk to me about alcohol and cigarettes and boys, like it did about drugs. But, maybe the Lord had some pathways he needed me to take. He made me rich in Him because I see the errors of my ways. I see that I had choices always. I chose, I chose, I chose to do these rebellious things. I came back like the prodigal son to the Lord. It doesn't matter how my parents raised me or how they reacted to my bad behaviors. I chose these paths.
It was so rewarding to have these two women share with me. I am so lucky to have these conversations. I can say there is so much to gain from asking a question, not out of curiosity or fodder for gossip, but for self reflection in their answer. I do this often and do it more as I age. I am only really interested now in the heart of life. I don't really even want to talk deep politics or 2012 coming or who is on Dancing With The Stars. I really want to spend my time with people I care for that will just provide both of us a opportunity to go deeper, ultimately so that we can all continue to heal and be closer with Christ.
I feel so honored that my dad shared that Psalm with me. And I heard it. And I believed it. He had such peace when he shared that. I knew when he said it, back in approximately 1996, that I would someday be consumed with that peace myself with my past. I can't talk to my parents any longer, as they have left this earth, but I can talk to my children and grandchildren. And the Lord provides me with an ever changing relationship with Him that evolves into growth that reaches out like branches to my loved ones. Good fruit bearing going on.
Praise and Glory only to God above for this message to you. It is not from me. I am just the vessel. He is working through me. Amen.
Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.
The only Biblical thing my dad shared with me, an actual passage from the Bible, is Psalm 25. I know he read the Bible. He and mom did and didn't talk about it or share what they read. Mom read more than dad. They were Christians and practicing Lutherans. But there just wasn't an openess about it. I started reading the Bible at age 10. I read alot of the New Testament. Old Testament reading was slower going. I loved to read to learn, reading the newspaper starting before age 10. I used to look up from the newspaper and notice mom and dad looking at me like it wasn't exactly normal to be trying to read, front to back, a newspaper. Like most adventurous young pups, we dived into Revelations, King James Version, without direction and explanation on all of that science fiction type material. It was like watching the TV show In Search Of, with mystery and some spookiness to it.
Dad and Mom moved to South Carolina in April 1987. I was just 19 years old and had a one month old baby. The economy was rough, and had been for a few years already. Dad had been laid off from Deeres now three years and it was not looking good for a man his age. He had gotten a horticulture degree from Hawkeye Tech during his lay-off, worked at Menards in security and had to make a change. They were scared. So, an old Jesup friend, Walt, who had helped rebuild Hardees in the eighties now was ramping up a meat processing plant on a historic plantation in Hemingway, SC. Walt had come to dad a few other times to ask him to join him in business ventures. This time they went. And they made the decision and left within a couple of weeks. Wow.
While in South Carolina my folks really enjoyed life. They had glorious weather, (minus hurricane Hugo), golf, good work, southern hospitality and each other without distractions. Our visits to them included crabbing, Big Dees BBQ, golf, beach time and long talks in the evening. I played piano for my parents and their friends. That was such a treat.
I had the honor in South Carolina to have my dad quote to me Psalm 25. He stated that the Lord had forgiven the sins of his youth. He didn't elaborate on that. I knew he was a rebellious teenager, but greatly loved and forgiven by his parents. I could sense that he was loved, felt loved by his parents. Why he rebelled, I don't know. I heard some details here and there, but I also heard of other youth in the 40's and 50's that stole trains, skipped school non-stop, smoked at very young ages and had many more fights than our youth seem to see happen on school yards. He didn't provide details and I didn't need to know them.
I am so happy I memorized the name of that Psalm and didn't just let it float by me. Dad didn't say much. And when he did, you listened.
I went on a scavenger hunt of sorts in the last year and a half. I decided I wanted to examine my rebellion as a young person deeper. I wanted to get to the bottom of it because I thought it was important. I found two people I trusted and had gotten to know very well over the past several years. These are women that are very founded in their faith and families. It is evident when you are around them that they have deep roots and don't blow in the breeze type of people. I asked them at a comfortable time if they could tell me if they rebelled as young people, broke rules, etc. They both said no. They were afraid of their parents and didn't want to disappoint their parents. And those two things were enough to keep them from drinking, smoking, break curfew and get boy crazy.
Well, absolutely I was afraid of my parents. But, the disappointment part I don't know. I think I was curious, I was a risk taker, I was creative, I was popular with many of the groups at school. I was the girl that you wouldn't guess would do some of these things. Well, some people saw through me, but I was the pianist and was pretty dedicated to that. And I worked alot. Sometimes three jobs. I loved to make money and keep busy. I was riding my bike for exercise and always doing something to keep in shape, shooting hoops for hours, jogging despite respiratory issues with that. So, it appeared I wasn't the typical trouble finder.
But, yes I found trouble. I can point to all kinds of reasons. It isn't really worth all of that. One thing for sure is that I was trusting of too many people in my life. And ended up in cars (a Fiat) that was going 130 MPH with a drunk driver. And that was just one time that a boy was driving us girls drunk and fast. The Lord was patient with me and didn't take me and sure could have. I put myself in situations with boys and girlfriends and strangers that were not wise. Lord help me understand my foolishness to put myself in such danger over and over.
My punishment for drinking included making me quit the sport I was in. I was the lead scorer for the JV basketball team and I had to quit because I came home drunk. Not because the coach said I had to quit. My parents changed their mind and the coach said I could be the stat keeper. I said forget it. And I never played basketball again. Forget it. I did this again during volleyball season. I was excellent on offense. I could serve that volleyball and scored often for the team. But, I had to quit. And again, I decided never to play volleyball again after that.
I tried this kind of parenting with my oldest, Brittany. I tried out this parenting style on her. But, by the time my boys came, I had gotten some wisdom and wanted to discipline out of love and guidance. And provide a discipleship all along the way. Mentor them. Talk about drinking and why you should not drink. Not because it is a rule, but because it can ruin your life or kill you. And tell them my examples of what it did to take away some of my opportunities and respect for myself and respect from others. I never got that style of parenting corrected with Brittany. She went through all 18 years of my parenting that way. I apologize to her now and often. I try to keep telling her that I just didn't have it down yet. I didn't shed everything that I saw that didn't work when I was growing up. I didn't want to discipline because my child was embarrassing me. Or that I needed to make an example out of them. I was changing this when my boys were growing up. Discipline out of love, love, love.
Luckily I bypassed all drugs growing up. I saw drugs on the school bus. I saw drugs on our school choir trip in the hotel. I saw stoned kids at school after rock concerts, the next morning. Everyone was talking about it and their obvious intoxication. Something inside me said not to do that. And I was glad that voice was audible to me.
I saw kids smoke on school property. In the bathrooms and outside of the front doors, right in view of our main street in Jesup, 6th Street. The teachers smoked in their lounge. I saw older farm boys really disrespect our principals. And I felt fear for those principals. Because those boys were strong, were of legal age to drink, and had bad homes. Those boys had nicknames for the principals. Crow, Cue Ball they called our principals. And right in their presence. Talk about rebellion.
In Junior High one of the girls brought wine into the bathroom. I didn't connect with her much, she actually was mean to me many times throughout Jr. High and High School and even as an adult in my 20's. She wrote me hate letters in Jr. High and passed them around to have even my friends sign. I didn't drink the booze because I wasn't invited the the bathroom party. I walked in and it was happening. And I walked back out. She got caught. And got in trouble. I won't say I was innocent in alcoholic matters in High School. But this was a near hit at me, and I am glad I didn't take a sip. I forgive her. I didn't understand her jealousy to me. This is all a point to show there were so many opportunities in a small bedroom community school to drink, smoke and more.
I see a painting and all of it. I see all of the painting alot of the time. Not parts of it. I am so very receptive to what is going on around me, and have my entire life, that I have all of this stored somewhere. And I pull it out when necessary. It is maddening at times to be so very aware of my surroundings. It is a gift and a curse. The Lord, I believe has instilled this in me as a gift. But, use it wisely. I also am a person of authenticity. I would rather be real and despised, than not be as deep and rich as I am. I would rather ask the tough questions. I make some people very uncomfortable. I bring others joy with my realness.
I would have loved to have had that voice talk to me about alcohol and cigarettes and boys, like it did about drugs. But, maybe the Lord had some pathways he needed me to take. He made me rich in Him because I see the errors of my ways. I see that I had choices always. I chose, I chose, I chose to do these rebellious things. I came back like the prodigal son to the Lord. It doesn't matter how my parents raised me or how they reacted to my bad behaviors. I chose these paths.
It was so rewarding to have these two women share with me. I am so lucky to have these conversations. I can say there is so much to gain from asking a question, not out of curiosity or fodder for gossip, but for self reflection in their answer. I do this often and do it more as I age. I am only really interested now in the heart of life. I don't really even want to talk deep politics or 2012 coming or who is on Dancing With The Stars. I really want to spend my time with people I care for that will just provide both of us a opportunity to go deeper, ultimately so that we can all continue to heal and be closer with Christ.
I feel so honored that my dad shared that Psalm with me. And I heard it. And I believed it. He had such peace when he shared that. I knew when he said it, back in approximately 1996, that I would someday be consumed with that peace myself with my past. I can't talk to my parents any longer, as they have left this earth, but I can talk to my children and grandchildren. And the Lord provides me with an ever changing relationship with Him that evolves into growth that reaches out like branches to my loved ones. Good fruit bearing going on.
Praise and Glory only to God above for this message to you. It is not from me. I am just the vessel. He is working through me. Amen.
Ecclesiastes 11:9-10 Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.
No more "Clean Up On Isle Five"
Praise God! I sat in church today with three generations. (Myself, my daughter and my granddaughter.) My two sisters and my son also were there. We have not all been in each others presence for years. The Holy Spirit lined up the stars and it happened and we enjoyed 9am worship and then some lunch. So healthy and heavenly. Another "first". So many "firsts" since being born again. I cherish these. He just keeps making beautiful things happen in my life.
Going backwards, it has not been the case. I was a mess at many points in my life. I was a clean-up-in-isle-five at times. That is not really a good thing being a mom. But, I didn't exactly ask for the problems that came. But, as Steven Covey author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People puts it: "You can't talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into." There is no big use in me pointing fingers. It actually is a relief to point the finger inward at myself.
I can point to the winds of change coming in January of 2010 (I have mentioned this before). I attended Prairie Lakes Church for the first time. That was my first instance in actually having my deaf ears hear pastor John Fuller state truly how much God loves us. And my stopped-up ears heard how much he wants us to start over again, without rules and rituals. Just start. And it's ok. But, you need to also walk in the light and read the Word. And it's not going to be easy. But that we are worthy. ??Me worthy? Me?
Then a chain reaction happened from that point on. People using the Holy Spirit living in them to change my mess. And books that I read that changed my thoughts toward a relationship with Jesus, erasing all I had been programed by the world. And some very, very deep thinking about what all had happened to get me to isle five.
It was August and my daughter was pregnant and the baby was coming in about a month. I felt a need to be still. I remember cancelling alot of plans with my girlfriend and even family members. I couldn't explain to them in any earthly terms what I meant by "I just need to prepare". I stayed home. And was still.
I got to be a part of bringing that Miss Kinnley into this world. Dr. Ortiz was busy with two other deliveries and truly we had to lie to my daughter about that because the baby was crowning, but no doctor. So quietly her boyfriend and I were communicated that and what to do if the baby came before the doctor. Luckily, he came in at the last few minutes. It was a very great labor and delivery. And I was so honored to have my daughter ask me to be there. I can never express how grateful I am to have had that opportunity.
Now, in addition to three miracles (my children), I have two grandchildren. I had lost two babies to miscarriage. My most recent miscarriage before Ross was a little more than traumatic. The baby deceased at 4 months. But that baby would not deliver. I had to have two surgical D&C's and one without anesthetic in the office. I can say that having a miscarriage before each of my boys really made me appreciate what a miracle a baby is.
Getting to the point of this is simply that I cannot be a mess for my children and I certainly cannot be that for my grandchildren. Again, I will point out Steven Covey's words "I believe that giving wings to our children and to others means empowering them with the freedom to rise above negative scripting that had been passed down to us."
And that is why I am never going to allow myself to be a mess any longer, but a transition person, another topic he covers. I had to throw away birth order (I am the baby of five girls), I had to throw away religious tradition (I grew up Lutheran, converted to Catholicism in 1998), I had to rethink all that I had seen and experienced from birth to age 18, I had to say goodbye to certain people in my life and limit my time with those that I knew were good only in small doses. I had to quit putting myself where I would be tempted. I had to enlarge my circle of people that were supporting me in my new faith filled life. (there are so many! Amen Lord) I would not shut the door forever on those that I had to say goodbye to or those that I had to limit time with. I had to make some choices for my own salvation. It was crucial I protect myself. And I see a great need to do that the rest of my life, protect, protect and quit trusting in the world, only trust in the Lord.
Either I was going to be a transition person and take these risks, or I truly would be continuing living out a story line that eventually seemed to equal the need for a mop again for clean up. And these kids and grandkids deserve so much better from this Godly woman than that. And not to be having one foot in the pit and one foot out. Both feet out of the pit and doing things daily to keep my new love affair with Christ brand new and growing. I am a seedling of His. I am not my mother or fathers creation. I am simply owned by the God of the Universe. I am His. I love that. I am His!!!
I smile so much more now. I glow. I know I do. My little hole in my heart is filled in. I don't crave alcohol as a numbing agent. I really don't desire alcohol much at all now (it is like a thief in the night, we drink socially and drink at "social norms" and pretty soon you don't realize how many nights you are drinking and how much you really are consuming. And how you are pairing up meals and outdoor festivals and holidays and after work drinks and Super Bowl drinks, la la la la la --it goes on and on!) I asked him to help quench my thirst for the things in life that I can't have right now. (a husband) The relationship with Jesus Christ totally satisfies me. I am so grateful for these answered prayers!
I want to close with a wonderful thing I discovered after finishing Steven Covey's book. I was on a healthy kick of professional reading for about 3 years. I read books to help me develop into being a better manager, a better communicator. But, I also started reading for spiritual development 15 months ago. So, I was reading both kinds of books. I was phasing out of this management series of readings because the pleasure of reading books to help me put a finger on my relationship with Christ was so much more rewarding. So, I am finishing Covey in Mexico this summer at a family wedding and totally enjoying this book, but a little sad. Covey doesn't mention his faith only once in the book, and it is pretty brief. He expands on the fact that great leaders are spiritual people and are typically involved in their churches. But he doesn't witness to Christ. So, I am at the end of the book and there is my treasured surprise on page 319, titled "A Personal Note". Covey puts himself out on a limb to state "I believe correct principles are natural laws, and that God, the Creator and Father of us all, is the source of them, and also the source of our conscience. I believe that as human beings, we cannot perfect ourselves."
Thank you Steven Covey. I feared you missed the entire point of life, as I did. We cannot perfect ourselves or tame ourselves or cure ourselves. We have to draw every bit of energy and hope, every minute, from outside of ourselves. And that is truly from our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen Lord and please bless my words to only provide hope and wisdom to those that have not walked down my path that they may see Christianity from a different, wider view. Praise you!!
Psalm 49:13-14 This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings. Like sheep they are destined for the grave, and death will feed on them.
Ecclesiastes 10:10 If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.
Going backwards, it has not been the case. I was a mess at many points in my life. I was a clean-up-in-isle-five at times. That is not really a good thing being a mom. But, I didn't exactly ask for the problems that came. But, as Steven Covey author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People puts it: "You can't talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into." There is no big use in me pointing fingers. It actually is a relief to point the finger inward at myself.
I can point to the winds of change coming in January of 2010 (I have mentioned this before). I attended Prairie Lakes Church for the first time. That was my first instance in actually having my deaf ears hear pastor John Fuller state truly how much God loves us. And my stopped-up ears heard how much he wants us to start over again, without rules and rituals. Just start. And it's ok. But, you need to also walk in the light and read the Word. And it's not going to be easy. But that we are worthy. ??Me worthy? Me?
Then a chain reaction happened from that point on. People using the Holy Spirit living in them to change my mess. And books that I read that changed my thoughts toward a relationship with Jesus, erasing all I had been programed by the world. And some very, very deep thinking about what all had happened to get me to isle five.
It was August and my daughter was pregnant and the baby was coming in about a month. I felt a need to be still. I remember cancelling alot of plans with my girlfriend and even family members. I couldn't explain to them in any earthly terms what I meant by "I just need to prepare". I stayed home. And was still.
I got to be a part of bringing that Miss Kinnley into this world. Dr. Ortiz was busy with two other deliveries and truly we had to lie to my daughter about that because the baby was crowning, but no doctor. So quietly her boyfriend and I were communicated that and what to do if the baby came before the doctor. Luckily, he came in at the last few minutes. It was a very great labor and delivery. And I was so honored to have my daughter ask me to be there. I can never express how grateful I am to have had that opportunity.
Now, in addition to three miracles (my children), I have two grandchildren. I had lost two babies to miscarriage. My most recent miscarriage before Ross was a little more than traumatic. The baby deceased at 4 months. But that baby would not deliver. I had to have two surgical D&C's and one without anesthetic in the office. I can say that having a miscarriage before each of my boys really made me appreciate what a miracle a baby is.
Getting to the point of this is simply that I cannot be a mess for my children and I certainly cannot be that for my grandchildren. Again, I will point out Steven Covey's words "I believe that giving wings to our children and to others means empowering them with the freedom to rise above negative scripting that had been passed down to us."
And that is why I am never going to allow myself to be a mess any longer, but a transition person, another topic he covers. I had to throw away birth order (I am the baby of five girls), I had to throw away religious tradition (I grew up Lutheran, converted to Catholicism in 1998), I had to rethink all that I had seen and experienced from birth to age 18, I had to say goodbye to certain people in my life and limit my time with those that I knew were good only in small doses. I had to quit putting myself where I would be tempted. I had to enlarge my circle of people that were supporting me in my new faith filled life. (there are so many! Amen Lord) I would not shut the door forever on those that I had to say goodbye to or those that I had to limit time with. I had to make some choices for my own salvation. It was crucial I protect myself. And I see a great need to do that the rest of my life, protect, protect and quit trusting in the world, only trust in the Lord.
Either I was going to be a transition person and take these risks, or I truly would be continuing living out a story line that eventually seemed to equal the need for a mop again for clean up. And these kids and grandkids deserve so much better from this Godly woman than that. And not to be having one foot in the pit and one foot out. Both feet out of the pit and doing things daily to keep my new love affair with Christ brand new and growing. I am a seedling of His. I am not my mother or fathers creation. I am simply owned by the God of the Universe. I am His. I love that. I am His!!!
I smile so much more now. I glow. I know I do. My little hole in my heart is filled in. I don't crave alcohol as a numbing agent. I really don't desire alcohol much at all now (it is like a thief in the night, we drink socially and drink at "social norms" and pretty soon you don't realize how many nights you are drinking and how much you really are consuming. And how you are pairing up meals and outdoor festivals and holidays and after work drinks and Super Bowl drinks, la la la la la --it goes on and on!) I asked him to help quench my thirst for the things in life that I can't have right now. (a husband) The relationship with Jesus Christ totally satisfies me. I am so grateful for these answered prayers!
I want to close with a wonderful thing I discovered after finishing Steven Covey's book. I was on a healthy kick of professional reading for about 3 years. I read books to help me develop into being a better manager, a better communicator. But, I also started reading for spiritual development 15 months ago. So, I was reading both kinds of books. I was phasing out of this management series of readings because the pleasure of reading books to help me put a finger on my relationship with Christ was so much more rewarding. So, I am finishing Covey in Mexico this summer at a family wedding and totally enjoying this book, but a little sad. Covey doesn't mention his faith only once in the book, and it is pretty brief. He expands on the fact that great leaders are spiritual people and are typically involved in their churches. But he doesn't witness to Christ. So, I am at the end of the book and there is my treasured surprise on page 319, titled "A Personal Note". Covey puts himself out on a limb to state "I believe correct principles are natural laws, and that God, the Creator and Father of us all, is the source of them, and also the source of our conscience. I believe that as human beings, we cannot perfect ourselves."
Thank you Steven Covey. I feared you missed the entire point of life, as I did. We cannot perfect ourselves or tame ourselves or cure ourselves. We have to draw every bit of energy and hope, every minute, from outside of ourselves. And that is truly from our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen Lord and please bless my words to only provide hope and wisdom to those that have not walked down my path that they may see Christianity from a different, wider view. Praise you!!
Psalm 49:13-14 This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings. Like sheep they are destined for the grave, and death will feed on them.
Ecclesiastes 10:10 If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Fringe Walking With Satan
I am typing this in the daylight on my deck. I have wanted to type this information for years. I am hopeful to speak to young people about it and I feel it is so very important. I have talked to my children about it for years and years, raising them for 24 + years now. They were not exactly receptive to it. Society views words such as satan, demons, baptism as cuss words. They make people shrink into their skin. We don't live in the Bible Belt, you know. But we sure can pay $9.00 a ticket to see satan and ghosts and worship them in the theatre.
I also want to promise that in the future, I want to infuse scripture into my blogs. I know that is important, and I am excited in my Bible journey to get to know that book so much better. (Joyce Meyers states she wears one out every two years).
I would gladly publicly speak on this, so keep that in mind. I have experience with walking on the fringe with satan. I was a silly girl who at one time or another, messed with the occult. I don't know that to be that uncommon, it seemed like a few homes I visited in the 70's had Ouija boards. Our neighbors did. I think we did. But the time I will never forget was during play rehearsal for You're A Good Man Charlie Brown, in Jesup Iowa.
That was scary and real. And I want our youth to know never to do that. I hated when I would go to the Goodwill Store and see one there, later in life. No wonder it was there. It should have been burned, not recycled. Not fair. I believe it was Milton Bradley that manufactures these. Shame on them.
I won't go into detail because I don't like it to take my confidence away. But, I will say one of our friends, Carla was very traumatized by it.(Ouija) I was, but it was evident she was really shook up. I fear to say what really happened to her with that incident. But, we never did it again.
I did other things that were pushing Christ away. I was a student at Hawkeye Tech and pregnant with Brittany. It was Halloween and we had a Halloween party in the commons. I had my Tarot Cards read. And I worked with a nurse once who grabbed my hand to read my palm. She seemed very interested to want to do that for me. But, she didn't like what she saw and pushed my hand away.
I used to contract mow cemeteries with my dad. I had the key. I was always respectful. I enjoyed mowing there. It was peaceful and I do like my time away from people (alive ones). But, we did play hide and seek in the dark there. I guess that wasn't so bad. But, maybe we were flirting with evil a little.
I think the deciding point for me with living on the edge with satan was also in my pregnancy with Brittany. I was 18. I watched Rosemary's Baby. And I walked away from the TV in front of my in-laws and said "Enough. I just can't do this and be comfortable". I have not watched a horror movie since.
I had some exposure at home to some of this way before I was old enough to be in a high school play. I think there was a lax time in the 60's and 70's and people were not being careful about playing around a little in this "hobby". There were plenty of slumber party stories of seances and levitation. I think that is exactly where all of this started. A bad seed planted.
I believe that certain spiritual people do seek out other spiritual people. Remember, spirits can be good or evil. When I lived in Lanesboro, MN we were getting ready to put our house on the market and move back to Iowa. A lady who I had never heard about before called me from out of the blue, hearing we were just about to put a For Sale sign in the yard. We spoke on the phone and she wanted to come over for coffee and talk to me about my house. I was home alone with Ross, who was just a few months old. Everyone else was at school or work.
I had a funny feeling and for her being a woman, why would I feel that way? She walked in the house. That feeling was pretty heavy. She was a little older than me. She seemed very deep and odd. We sat and had coffee. She didn't seem to really want to talk about the house much at first. She was probing. Eventually she got to the point: She was going to buy my beautiful new house as a spiritual retreat center. She claimed she was with the Wiccan Culture. Ok. Now what do I do with this woman in my house and what darkness is she attempting to leave here if I tick her off?
Luckily I was able to wrap it up shortly after that, and I told her we were going with a realtor and that she would need to now talk to our realtor for any further showings or questions. And that was the end of that.
I reflected on these spiritual collisions plenty in my life, had lots of nightmares. I do believe I am gifted in some sense with discernment and I don't like to speak on this topic for entertainment. I pray God will allow me to relay this to you in a manner that is informative only to the point that we can work harder on our families and society to warn about the long lasting effects of inviting in evil.
I took two hours one night this summer to finally put this at the altar with the Lord. I cried and begged him to forgive me. I didn't want to be scared any more. I wanted confidence in the dark. I finally realized that I had feared satan more than God our Father. That was all it was. And I truly had to stop the curiosity into the darkness. All of these Ghost Chaser stories. I don't watch them, but if I turn the channel and it is there, it draws you in. I know a number of people that are drawn in and they don't realize they just gave up their power. Just in a television show. Satan's demons are smart and here on earth. There is no question of that. Our children truly don't want to hear that. But, they want to give him attention and time. And they don't see they are tricked. I was tricked. And I work on this and will need to be firm the rest of my life about this unseen power that once had me in a corner.
I know three people that saw the psychic in Waverly. She states she is Christian. All three people were told exactly what the demons wanted them to hear. There is no way that lady could know these details. The only place the Bible says this can come from is the darkness. How entertaining. I would love to go there and hear what happened with my older kid's dad's soul. And talk to my parents. But, I know better. I had a very bad experience with that and possibly it is simply because I am very, very receptive to things. I have a gift, and I need to use it wisely.
I made a mistake this summer and rented Black Swan. I thought the content that I needed to be aware of was homosexuality. I loved the ballet and beautiful dancing. But, I had a horrific nightmare shortly after watching that. And now I can point that towards taking away my confidence in my own home this summer. I need to be guarding my soul from such things. I nearly missed the cleverness of that movie and the power that it wanted to suck out of me.
Again, praise to our heavenly Father. I continually ask for his strength in these matters. I hope you will read this with confidence and use this information for the advancement of His kingdom on earth.
I also want to promise that in the future, I want to infuse scripture into my blogs. I know that is important, and I am excited in my Bible journey to get to know that book so much better. (Joyce Meyers states she wears one out every two years).
I would gladly publicly speak on this, so keep that in mind. I have experience with walking on the fringe with satan. I was a silly girl who at one time or another, messed with the occult. I don't know that to be that uncommon, it seemed like a few homes I visited in the 70's had Ouija boards. Our neighbors did. I think we did. But the time I will never forget was during play rehearsal for You're A Good Man Charlie Brown, in Jesup Iowa.
That was scary and real. And I want our youth to know never to do that. I hated when I would go to the Goodwill Store and see one there, later in life. No wonder it was there. It should have been burned, not recycled. Not fair. I believe it was Milton Bradley that manufactures these. Shame on them.
I won't go into detail because I don't like it to take my confidence away. But, I will say one of our friends, Carla was very traumatized by it.(Ouija) I was, but it was evident she was really shook up. I fear to say what really happened to her with that incident. But, we never did it again.
I did other things that were pushing Christ away. I was a student at Hawkeye Tech and pregnant with Brittany. It was Halloween and we had a Halloween party in the commons. I had my Tarot Cards read. And I worked with a nurse once who grabbed my hand to read my palm. She seemed very interested to want to do that for me. But, she didn't like what she saw and pushed my hand away.
I used to contract mow cemeteries with my dad. I had the key. I was always respectful. I enjoyed mowing there. It was peaceful and I do like my time away from people (alive ones). But, we did play hide and seek in the dark there. I guess that wasn't so bad. But, maybe we were flirting with evil a little.
I think the deciding point for me with living on the edge with satan was also in my pregnancy with Brittany. I was 18. I watched Rosemary's Baby. And I walked away from the TV in front of my in-laws and said "Enough. I just can't do this and be comfortable". I have not watched a horror movie since.
I had some exposure at home to some of this way before I was old enough to be in a high school play. I think there was a lax time in the 60's and 70's and people were not being careful about playing around a little in this "hobby". There were plenty of slumber party stories of seances and levitation. I think that is exactly where all of this started. A bad seed planted.
I believe that certain spiritual people do seek out other spiritual people. Remember, spirits can be good or evil. When I lived in Lanesboro, MN we were getting ready to put our house on the market and move back to Iowa. A lady who I had never heard about before called me from out of the blue, hearing we were just about to put a For Sale sign in the yard. We spoke on the phone and she wanted to come over for coffee and talk to me about my house. I was home alone with Ross, who was just a few months old. Everyone else was at school or work.
I had a funny feeling and for her being a woman, why would I feel that way? She walked in the house. That feeling was pretty heavy. She was a little older than me. She seemed very deep and odd. We sat and had coffee. She didn't seem to really want to talk about the house much at first. She was probing. Eventually she got to the point: She was going to buy my beautiful new house as a spiritual retreat center. She claimed she was with the Wiccan Culture. Ok. Now what do I do with this woman in my house and what darkness is she attempting to leave here if I tick her off?
Luckily I was able to wrap it up shortly after that, and I told her we were going with a realtor and that she would need to now talk to our realtor for any further showings or questions. And that was the end of that.
I reflected on these spiritual collisions plenty in my life, had lots of nightmares. I do believe I am gifted in some sense with discernment and I don't like to speak on this topic for entertainment. I pray God will allow me to relay this to you in a manner that is informative only to the point that we can work harder on our families and society to warn about the long lasting effects of inviting in evil.
I took two hours one night this summer to finally put this at the altar with the Lord. I cried and begged him to forgive me. I didn't want to be scared any more. I wanted confidence in the dark. I finally realized that I had feared satan more than God our Father. That was all it was. And I truly had to stop the curiosity into the darkness. All of these Ghost Chaser stories. I don't watch them, but if I turn the channel and it is there, it draws you in. I know a number of people that are drawn in and they don't realize they just gave up their power. Just in a television show. Satan's demons are smart and here on earth. There is no question of that. Our children truly don't want to hear that. But, they want to give him attention and time. And they don't see they are tricked. I was tricked. And I work on this and will need to be firm the rest of my life about this unseen power that once had me in a corner.
I know three people that saw the psychic in Waverly. She states she is Christian. All three people were told exactly what the demons wanted them to hear. There is no way that lady could know these details. The only place the Bible says this can come from is the darkness. How entertaining. I would love to go there and hear what happened with my older kid's dad's soul. And talk to my parents. But, I know better. I had a very bad experience with that and possibly it is simply because I am very, very receptive to things. I have a gift, and I need to use it wisely.
I made a mistake this summer and rented Black Swan. I thought the content that I needed to be aware of was homosexuality. I loved the ballet and beautiful dancing. But, I had a horrific nightmare shortly after watching that. And now I can point that towards taking away my confidence in my own home this summer. I need to be guarding my soul from such things. I nearly missed the cleverness of that movie and the power that it wanted to suck out of me.
Again, praise to our heavenly Father. I continually ask for his strength in these matters. I hope you will read this with confidence and use this information for the advancement of His kingdom on earth.
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