Glory to Our Father! May you find this blog helpful in your journey in Christ. How refreshing. It does not cost you or I anything. I am not asking you to "sew a seed", as the evangelists on television do. I am simply following what the Holy Spirit seems to instruct me to do. Actually, the title for this blog came to me in my sleep last night, which is also where "Do You Love Me x 3, Peter" came from, this weekend. (You should see my writing in the dark at 1am!) Honestly, many of my dreams are instructional, and it appears they are from the Lord. I test out everything. Our revelations typically come in waves, lapping up from the sea in our soul. I sit and wait on instruction of this nature. I pray about it, ask the Lord to speak to me through His Word about it, and am especially aware instruction may come from humans as well. All to put the pieces together on what God has in store for me and you.
Tender Hearts: My dad called me a tender heart when I was a young lady. I think it was over crying about an injured animal, something like that. Tender hearts can callous as they age. I did.
Ezekiel 36:26: I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Proverbs 28:14 Blessed is the man who always fears the Lord, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.
Now that I look back into my life before I was a Holy Spirit filled believer, I see the callus: The biggest evidence was successfully holding back tears at funerals.
This takes incredible skill, energy and acting. I was really good at it. I was proud that I was not a crier.
Yes, I can rewind and go back to childhood and point out the things my parents didn't do to comfort, to encourage, to let feelings roam free. But, I have come so very far in my sanctification process that my testimony now includes so little about the pain, and more about the victory in Christ.
Can you remember the first time your heart was truly broken? I remember watching a few movies that really haunted me as a child. One was the Elephant Man. Another was a movie I have no idea of the title, but it had to do with a boy who had a pet bird, and his "friends" stoned it to death. These movies truly will not leave my mind (heart).
http://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=36jtwfSTGZs&feature=relmfu
I remember when my oldest sister left the house at age 18. I remember grabbing her and crying and really being a mess for days. I also remember crying horribly at her wedding!
All of these items happened before the age of 12. From there on out, Jr. High comes, teasing comes, puberty comes, and the masks come on. That is when I believe I started "unbelieving" that I had a tender heart, or that I should have one.
As a born again Christian, I bet I cry or weep 5 days out of 7. I thank God for that. Many times it is during worship or personal prayer.
I finally started weeping about my oldest children's father's death, which happened in 1996. I heard the song by Tim McGraw, "Live Like You Were Dying" on the radio, and it hit me. And I said, "Lord, bring it on. It's about time"......
Don't we all stuff feelings? Exchange feelings for feelings?
This is the meat of this blog: We are a little complicated, especially those following Christ. Feeling a little bipolar? Typical. Feeling extremely high one moment and under attack the next? Typical.
The follower of Christ will exhibit a tender heart. A heart that bleeds for others to also follow Christ. This tender heart will be broken over and over again mostly by other believers. It will be broken by those who want to clip her wings, save her from some catastrophe of nose diving from her first "baby Christian experience". That is what is incorrect. I, myself have never met a born again on fire for the Lord who nose dived and walked away from the faith. It appears that happens, but the people I meet who appeared to "find Jesus" really never did commit and leave the world, so they really were never born again. They didn't have the repentance part, they didn't have their heart circumcised. They were kind of like me when I thought I was having a religious experience in 1998 (and yes, it was part of my journey, and I thank the Lord for it), but it ended up with me becoming Catholic, reading all of Dr. Laura's books, hiking myself up on works, and then crashing when my marriage dissolved. I was not born again. It was not my time. Pride had to be dealt with. Sin had to be dealt with, all the way back to childhood.
Let me remind you that God decides who the elect is. Whether we choose to respond is our choice. Ultimately, God decides. He desires all to be His children.
That paragraph above is one reason I weep. I can't believe God would love us so much. But He does and it is amazing! And none of this makes much sense if you haven't truly repented for your sin. Oh yes, I thought I did. But, my heart didn't agree. I repented with my head and not my heart. I skimmed over my sin list and moved on. I didn't truly "feel" for my sin. I was using "works" to get on with it. Looking around was always easier. To look at others sin and gasp! At least I wasn't doing this or that.....
I am blessed that a tender heart was installed in me at birth. I believe that. I remember very early memories of crying, feeling, aching for others. So weary at times, helpless to help so many. It was not depression. It was a gift. Yes, my gift got hidden away under layers of hard shells of walls I had to built up, and walls I decided to built up for my own selfish reasons. But, my tender heart has emerged again, starting a couple of years ago. What can we say? That Jesus Christ, the Rescuer, Redeemer, Friend, Father, Lover, Brother, Lord and Almighty has knocked enough on my heart to get those shells broken off, that I finally broke free!
There is no other path, my friend. Your path is so similar to mine, whether you walked the broken road or you walked the safe road. You need to repent and realize your sin. Your heart will continue to callous, and the more miles you walk in your own ways, the harder the callus.
Then, you may join in on the weeping, hills and valleys journey. A crazy ride, it is! All I can say, is that I am so, so very glad that my heart is now exposed to the world, and I gave it all to Christ. A fool for Christ I may be! Not drunken with wine, but drunken with the Spirit!
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