Glory and Honor to our heavenly Father. He exceeds all expectations. He gifts beyond imagination. He is the Answer. The only Answer. He loves and the world does not know love. I am so thankful for my Father in heaven. I am thankful for my journey. I praise Him for the past, and I also praise Him that I realize my sin and my need for Him. He found me in my sin. He will never leave me.
Isn't that glorious for a lady divorced twice to type? How do you get there? How do you go from complete hopelessness, disgrace, abandonment, and then rebellion on the sin wagon to being thankful for the broken road? Let me tell you. Getting remarried was not the answer. I found my Saviour. I finally found true love in Jesus Christ. I am single and in love as never before. Cosmic love. Love that gifts purity. Supernatural love that my married friends may envy.
I want you to be on the look out: If you are at Walmart or Target and you see a person alone, frowning and they have in their shopping cart a broom, a toilet brush, a waste basket and coat hangers, be kind. Why would they be setting up shop at their age of 30 or 40? Why wouldn't they move those things from their last house? It is most likely because they are going through a divorce, and have to start all over.
Unfortunately, our society has a "no fault divorce" attitude. We don't even ask why our loved ones are divorced. We don't sit across a coffee shop table and care and look into their eyes and try to know them. We might want the "scoop" so we can pass it on, though. We look at divorced as people who don't try hard enough. People that must have partied or cheated their way out of the marriage. Oh, that they are just like the 50% divorce rate, who are lumped into this category. Actually, you might be surprised at their pain. Their anguish. Their deep loss and heartache. How hard Sundays and holidays are for these people
Many divorced are women like me who gave it years of trying. Many women were/are treated miserably. The spouse in our situation was/is loved by society. The spouse is a professional. The "world" may adore the spouse.
Many of these broken marriages had nothing to do with alcohol, drugs, pornography, bar life, flirting or aggressive wives.
There are seeds of evil in each and every one of us. There is a sin seed for every possible sin in each of us. Can you handle that? You better humble down and try. It helped me to completely forgive my former spouse. It helps me to pray that he will be born again in Christ, and ushered into eternal life with Jesus.
God hates divorce and I believe I know why. Moses provided a law for divorce, and that was greatly abused. Jesus speaks frankly about divorce in Mark chapter 10. A hardenen heart is what produces divorce. In all of biblical times, a woman could not file for divorce. Only a man could. Women, look at these words of Jesus with love, as He knew how women were treated. Jesus, I believe is having a bleeding heart for women, here. Remarriage? I am waiting for revelation from God on whether I am to be remarried or not. The Scriptures speak to me presently that it is not for me. Only revelation from God will reveal something differently. Yes, Jesus speaks of divorce and certain circumstances for it. But, He still hates it.
Honestly, the religious talk radio shows are pretty cruel at times at they address divorce. I have to turn them off at times. The cold talk about divorce and statistics. Why, why why???..... Dr. James Dobson goes on and on. Bless him, and I respect him. But, reality shows its ugly face in that, just as the author Luke displays, these are facts of life, and no psychology degree is going to reason away the sin of Adam in our world, to women. Thank you, Jesus for showing up in the Gospels to broken women, when Jewish society cast them away. The bleeders and the divorced. The living in sin woman. The woman caught in the act of adultery. (Jewish law states that BOTH parties were to be stoned. The Pharisees decided to only throw the woman in front of Jesus for judgement. Imagine that.)
In my opinion, due to the abuse rate in homes towards women and children, the Christian programs better ramp up and balance their discussion about abuse. My heart is broken for the other listeners as well who are divorced due to abuse. I did not chose to be divorced. I do not like being divorced. I planned on being married, forever.
My marriage was one filled with family and church life. Volunteer work. Meals around the table. Nice home and cars. Many women are in my category.
I knew the spouse 5 years before the abuse even started. This is very common, as I speak to other women.
I am not a liberal minded woman. I have to shovel, paint, mow and repair my home because I do not have a husband. I work 45 hours a week because that is what I have to do. I have to be head of my household, because that is what I have to do. Many women are like me. Don't be intimidated. We are not trying to take a man's place in this world. Also, because we are single it does not mean that we are interested in you any more than a married woman would be.
Let's move on to the Glory of what Jesus Christ does in lives:
After leaving a horribly abusive event, I fell into sin. I moved out and filed for divorce. I am a grave sinner, now saved. I can share these things because my guilt has been lifted. I can share so others may learn. My masks are off. Many wear masks, and unfortunately, I am good at recognizing the mask wearers now. Oh, my. Many mask wearers in the church, especially.
I found myself single, not yet divorced. Some pit falls for me: Watching Sex In The City, increasing my drinking, finding a population of men that wanted to date me, fleeing my pain by finding new friends. My relatives provided comfort, but typically in atmospheres of alcohol.
The Holy Spirit was trying to speak to me. I remember my dreams at night, from 2005-2007 that I lost something, I forgot to do something. I would wake up and was somewhat tormented by that "thing" I forgot to do and couldn't find. That was God calling me to Him. Oh, Lord. I love You so!
I went to a Catholic church in another town and sat in the back. I left crying over and over again. My tears of pain. I didn't realize the conviction I was under, because I didn't necessarily feel guilty. It was almost like I felt I had to run out of that church. My rebellion was justified, I felt. This was my lot in life, having two abusive marriages. So, this is what I guess we do now, divorced people.
The Holy Spirit (I didn't get that this was the Holy Spirit!) was telling me in August 2006, "You have got to start somewhere". I didn't know exactly what that meant.
My journey began with reading self help books and then management books. From Dr. Phil to Covey. Then, the Bible in January 2011. The progression was in that order.
April 2011, the Holy Spirit pretty much grabbed me as though electricity went through my body. It changed my life forever, supernaturally. There is no way to explain this in human terms. From that point on, I knew there was a purpose for my life, and pretty quickly, I proclaimed the words, "Born Again", even though I did not know what that meant. Sanctification happened quickly from July 2011 on, as I quit fighting what God was trying to gift me with. He was giving me revelation about sexual purity and alcohol abstinence. He was showing me a protected life from the world, if I would abstain from impure music and entertainment. He explained discernment and that "feeling" I had much of my life, about "doom" and that when you feel that "doom", you need to move and get safer.
I found really no one but the Holy Spirit, through reading the Bible, writing in a journal to God and praying to explain this to me. Humans were of very little help. God wants us to rely on Him.
I loved my former spouses in the worldly way I knew how to. They were in the same boat. We all were worldly. We were all under the curse of sin and death. Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6: 6-7 For we know that our old self was crucified with him, so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin--because anyone who has died has been freed from sin.
Please understand that you must be born again. You see, I was a religious woman, married. I volunteered more for the church than I worked. I taught religious education, played the piano for the church, led up a woman's circle, and more. I was a good, good mom. I loved my husband. I did not know Jesus Christ personally, and really didn't care that I didn't. I was propped up on everything but the Blood Of Jesus Christ.
Sin happens in this world. Evil things happen to people. Religious people do evil things to people. I propped myself up on my marriage and religious activities. I gave no intimate time to the Lord. I only got on my knees on the kneeler at church, as a ritual, and if I read the Bible, it was like reading a Social Studies book. I loved everything more than Jesus Christ. I knew of Him, and I thought that was enough. That pride of comfortability was dangerous. God expects and desires our love. I will tell you again and again in this blog that you must humble yourself to the Lord. You must plead with Him in prayer to fill your very heart and soul. Pray for the Holy Spirit to enter your being. Decide that there is something missing and you will be honest enough to admit that, being a religious person. Read the Bible to see that the religious is who Jesus came to scold, and the admittedly sick is who He came to seek out. Admit you are sick and need a Saviour. Dare to take off your mask of religion. Bare bones believers He seeks! Raw, weeping children we are to be.
There will be an obvious turning point in your life. You will be able to pin point that season or day in your life when you knew your life had taken on the meaning of what God intended for you, and that you are a child of God. For most, that happens after they experienced religion.
You will be able to forgive the unforgivable. You will be able to pray beautiful things for those that brought havoc on to your life. That is when you know you are saved. When you can love those, just as Jesus did, approaching a cruel death. An execution on the cross. Hanging there, He said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing". Luke 23:34 See below the song about me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5zIOcBiTGg
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