Praise to you! It is another glorious, sunny Sunday. I am continuing to practice Sundays the way they were meant to be honored. Worship in the morning, fire in the fireplace, soup, playing piano, family and reading. Please find ways to slow down and utilize Sundays for your family. You do not need to buy things as a hobby, a time waster, on Sundays. You don't need to have the TV on for background noise. You can make meals full of love for a few dollars. A warm meal you made for your family. Make traditions on Sundays. Even if it is just one Sunday a month.
I counted one week how many times married and unmarried people said something harmful about marriage in my presence. It was six times.
What do you think of that? Do you think that people need to "vent"? Blow off steam? No, it wasn't really that. They were just chiming in with our American culture, continuing the blows to marriage. Simple comments that they probably had no idea how harmful they were.
I have had countless numbers of Christian people say to me "Why would you ever get married again?" "You should just live with someone".
Addionally: "Melissa, you should marry for money. That's what I would do".
Other comments: "If my husband dies I'LL NEVER GET MARRIED AGAIN. It is too much work. I wish I was free like you". Wow. I hope your husband doesn't die. And if he did, do you already really have this completely thought through? What about the funeral arrangements?
"You don't know how hard it is in my marriage. You are lucky. You don't have to put up with what I do". (There doesn't seem to be any obvious physical, mental or substance abuse issues in any of these church going families)
When I am a little stressed about being a single parent, having no parents or grandparents alive to help me all of these years, I throw out a few comments about being alone and tired and worried about daycare and if my child (children) are sick. I have had married people say to me "Married people have spouses that don't help at all, so they are just as alone as you are and they are married". Wow.
We are so quick to have a comment roll off of our lips. They are almost automatic. Sometimes I wonder if the origin of these is from somewhere darker than we want to acknowledge. And yes, many of us repeat what someone else has said. It just sticks with us. Guard our tongues, Lord.
I was watching my only TV show, The Office this fall. There is a sitcom after The Office and it appears to be about a couple living in sin. Sorry, my parents and the generations before my parents called it that, and they are correct. It is called Whitney. The commercials are somewhat inappropriate and my 12 year old and I can't grab the remote quick enough, to get it turned off before we have to watch an unmarried couple act married.
I actually could go on and on and yes, I need to be careful. None of us are perfect. Some of us have had failed marriages. But, some of us want to be married and want our adult children to be married. But first, we need to believe in marriage.
I can say there is very, very little support for marriage in our generation or our children's. I applaud those of you that are doing something about it. A coworker of mine has organized at church a series of classes for married people. I also hear in sermons regularly at church about support for marriage between a man and a woman. Praise to all of you that make a conscious effort to stay positive about marriage. Our nation is crumbling in this department, and yes, you can do something about it with simple positive words on this Biblical principle, marriage. (and go see the movie Courageous!!)
TV shows: There is a show called King of Queens. It comes on. It is about a married couple. And they disrespect one another the entire show. That is the satire of the show. I feel like someone threw a bucket of mud on me and after I figure out why my mood is changing to hopelessness, in my kitchen, making a meal for my son, I get it turned off. I keep turning it off. Oh, yes, satan is behind all of this, by the way. Destroy, tear down what God intended.
As I told my boyfriend, I think the comments that keep coming at us about "Why wouldn't you just live together" are about this: People are equating that divorce is more sinful that living together. Here we go again. Legalistic Christians trying to weigh for others what would be a better, but still sinful option. I'm not buying it. And I am not planning on getting divorced again, anyhow.
I do remember when I was engaged in 1997, my fiance and I went to his priest. It was not my question, because I have never believed living together was an option and certainly is a dangerous option for a female, losing her heart to a man, playing married and getting no real commitment, putting herself financially in someone Else's mess, possibly. But, my fiance wanted to ask his opinion about living together. Luckily, the priest was very firm about the statistics of divorce in couples that lived together prior to marriage. And he also pointed out scripture. There is absolutely no support in the Bible for living together.
We left that visit with the priest with a clear understanding of our option. Get married before you live together.
I certainly am not the judge. I am being radical (this wasn't radical 50 years ago, speaking out against living together and speaking strongly for marriage). I am typing this blog to present my personal experiences so that you may grow closer in your relationship with Christ. Why I say I am not the judge is that many people are young and lack wisdom. They may have lived with someone and they regret it now. That's ok!! We all were young and made bad choices. Forgive yourself after you repent. Do it often, as I do. I feel pain for my past choices. He helps me reflect on my bad choices from my past so that I do cringe a little and then I thank Him for being such a loving Father. And I learned. I keep learning. Maybe at 43 I am still young and lacking wisdom. Ask me when I am 80!! I will say I didn't know anything yet, even at 43!!! Lord, help me get to 80 to say that!
Also, I made mistakes. I remember watching the cleaned up version of Sex In The City for years. It was on TBS, not HBO so there was no swearing or nudity. But this Manhattan culture of single ladies probably wore on me. I also had a counselor for years that I went to. I finally had to end our counseling relationship. As my counselor we could not agree that I said that I was never comfortable with sex outside of marriage. And her response was that there is nothing illegal about having sex outside of marriage. We finally agreed to disagree. She couldn't support my stand and I couldn't support hers. I now have found a Christian counselor who is also born again, who absolutely supports my opinion that sex belongs in marriage and outside of marriage it will only cause guilt, disease, shame and mostly, my God who loves me to be disappointed in me. And being born again, I feel this relationship with the Lord is a two way street. I want my Abba Father to be happy with my decisions and I feel I let him down when I fail.
I read a book this summer that was very, very helpful. It is called Every Woman's Battle. There is also a men's version, Every Man's Battle. It is specifically about what society does to women that makes single and married women less pure than God intended. It speaks of TV, advertising, romance novels, pornography for women, Passion Parties, you name it. It was very conservative in it's nature. It wasn't easy to read. But, I have to say, it was right on the money. It has Biblical references throughout. I would recommened this book to any woman. You would be surprised, even for your daughters what is out there that is pulling them away from the purity that has been especially lost the last few decades. We need to pay attention to how we dress, what we say, how long our glances are, and so forth. I read the book, I got some good nuggets out of it, and I would recommend it if you are ready to dive into a topic that is not often covered. It doesn't mean you have to buy into every book, editorial or article you read. That is the beauty of reading much and often. You just keep sorting your information that you read. And make an ever changing conclusion of the topics as you use the Holy Spirit to guide you.
I read through the Song of Solomon a couple of months ago and read it like I have never read it before. Such a delight. I found myself in past years jealous of couples at church, married couples in general. I have worked through that to a healthy place. So, reading this married love story is just wonderful. Praise to all married couples.
In closing, we need to support marriage. Our words are like weapons. Our children are hearing our negative opinions/comments about marriage. They are not finding healthy marriage situations on TV. Modern pop music never mentions it. Do not put your children first in your marriage. Put your spouse first, after God. Go to church as a family. Try not to separate yourselves to go to separate services. You married your spouse, so spend time with him/her. Be careful to not separate your interests too far from your spouses. And if you finally have the money and time to go on vacation, please go with your spouse! Keep the Lord close in your relationship. And let's all work on praising married people!
Ephesians 5:31-33 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
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